The room is empty for a few seconds. There is a sound of a door slamming and foot steps. Ashley and little David stops in front of their father's desk and turns to the camera.
ASHLEY
Hi. I’m Ashley Addison.
LITTLE DAVID
And I’m David Addison, you know... little David.
ASHLEY
They can see you’re little.
LITTLE DAVID
Will you shut up?
ASHLEY
Only when you have something important to say.
LITTLE DAVID
How about Mom and Dad being late?
ASHLEY
Don’t tell me
(Turns to Camera)
Tell them.
LITTLE DAVID
(To Camera)
Mom and Dad are running a little late.
ASHLEY
Please excuse them. They’re not used to being here at this hour. They haven’t had a show on the air for more than a decade... or so they tell us.
LITTLE DAVID
Yeah, I’m sure they will be here to start the show any minute.
ASHLEY
(To little David)
In the meantime, why don’t you show them your impersonation of Daddy?
LITTLE DAVID
Are you crazy? He’ll kill me.
ASHLEY
How can't he kill you? He’s not here.
LITTLE DAVID
I don’t know, Ash.
ASHLEY
You don’t want those people out there
(Points to the camera)
to be bored and use their remote, do you? Then, Daddy will really kill us.
LITTLE DAVID
(Gives in)
Ohh... All right.
Ashley walks behind the desk and searches through the drawers.
ASHLEY
Where are they...? Here they are!
She pulls out her father’s sunglasses, runs over and hands them to her brother.
ASHLEY
(To Camera)
You’re gonna love this.
Little David flicks his hands a few times in the air non-chalantly, and slowly puts on the glasses.
LITTLE DAVID
Box!
Ashley runs over to her right. She reappears carrying a portable stereo and puts it on the desk. There’s a close-up of a finger pressing the Play button.
ASHLEY
(Lip Syncing)
1, 2, 3, hit it!
The stereo blares, James Brown’s, “Superbad.” As the music plays, little David starts imitating his father’s gestures. Ashley stands to the right side of the room loving every minute of the display.
LITTLE DAVID
(Lip Syncing)
Watch me...! Watch me... I got it!
Watch me... I got it!
Hey!...I got something that makes me wanna shout
I got something that tells me what it’s all about
I got soul and I’m superbad
I got soul and I’m superbad
Now I got a move that tells me what to do
Sometimes it feels...ha!
Now I got a move that tells me what to do
Sometime I feel so nice, I wanna try myself with you, ha...! ha!
I got soul and I’m superbad... ha!...
VOICE (O.S.)
Ahem!
Both children look over to their right. We see their father staring at them with his hands buried in his pants pockets. Ashley immediately turns off the stereo.
ASHLEY
(Nervous)
Hi Dad.
LITTLE DAVID
(Nervous)
Hi Dad.
LITTLE DAVID
W... we... we were just –
David held his hand up to silence his son. He simply points his index finger to the door. They begin to walk out the room without making a sound. David calmly takes the sunglasses of his son’s face as little David passes him by. David waits for the door to close before he walks over to his desk. He is facing the window. We see him raise his arms in the process of putting on the sunglasses. At the same time, Ashley sneaks back into the room to take the stereo. She’s about to grab the handle.
DAVID
(Sternly)
Leave it.
Ashley turns and quickly walks away. David hears the slam of the door. He continues putting on his sunglasses, then spins around to the camera.
DAVID
Taped from L.A.! It’s Moonlighting In the 21st Century!
(Takes glasses off then looks down to the side)
It sounded better in my head.
There’s a huge table in the middle of the room. There are nine people. Four on each side and one sits facing the back of the room.
MAN #1
So, who are we going to choose?
MAN #2
It’s not as easy as it used to be. There aren’t a lot of detective agencies that have survived.
WOMAN #1
What about Hart to Hart?
MAN #1
They’re retired.
WOMAN #2
Jim Rockford.
MAN #3
No can do. Our camera equipment can’t fit into his golden Camaro.
MAN #1
C’mon! We need to launch P.I.TV with a reality series people will talk about at their water coolers. We gotta make it fast. We need a detective agency to follow, or our popularity will be worse than UPN... and they’re not even cable.
MAN #2
How ‘bout Simon and Simon?
MAN #1
No.
MAN #4
Scarecrow and Mrs. King.
MAN #1
They are F.B.I. agents you idiot!
WOMAN #3
What about Remington Steele?
MAN #1
Now were getting somewhere...
(The woman smiles)
But not far enough.
MAN #3
Why? He’s a great detective. It’ll be perfect to finally see the interworkings of how a great detective does his work.
MAN #1
He overexposed. He’s such a camera hog. He doesn’t need the publicity.
WOMAN #3
He said no, didn’t he?
MAN #1
No.
MAN #3
So, what’s the problem?
MAN #1
He said hell no.
WOMAN #4
I got it! I’m surprised no one said anything about this before. What about that old lady? You know, the one who wrote about mysteries.
MAN #3
It was murder she wrote.
MAN #1
You mean murder she used to write. She’s not interested.
MAN #2
Hey! What about that guy?
MAN #1
What guy?
MAN #2
The guy who looks like that other guy.
MAN #1
Are you talking about the guy who helped that kid see dead people?
MAN #3
But he’s not a detective.
MAN #2
I know he’s not but that guy is.
MAN #3
Oh, you mean that guy!
MAN #2
Yeah, I mean that guy.
MAN #3
That’s a relief.
MAN #2
Why?
MAN #3
I can’t stand that other guy.
WOMAN #2
Really? He was pretty good in, “Bandits.”
MAN #1
Well, be that as it may... what were we talking about again?
MAN #2
The guy who owns the detective agency with the Blue Moon girl.
WOMAN #2
That’s right! And didn’t they just close the deal to take over Lou LaSalle’s company?
MAN #2
And the heightened publicity should be a perfect avenue for their growing business.
MAN #3
I just want to find out how the hell they manage to stay married.
MAN #1
Then it’s settled.
He takes out his cell phone and dials the numbers, then rests the phone on his left ear.
A close-up of a phone as a flashing green light is lit. A finger presses it to make the light stay on, and the other hand picks up the phone. The camera follows the hand up to Agnes' face.
AGNES
Blue Moon Investigations
Is your business partner not around?
After you've searched all over town?
Don’t worry we can still take the case
We’ve expanded our talents beyond this place
You have two coasts to choose from, please be my guest
Are they hiding in the east coast? Or in the west?
(David waits anxiously)
I hope you don’t scream, yell or snap
Agnes hangs up the phone.
DAVID
Are they here yet?
AGNES
No, but Miss Hayes is still waiting for you in the conference room.
DAVID
Don’t tell me she’s talking to Brian and Helen as we speak?
AGNES
I’m afraid so.
DAVID
If they come in, tell them to meet me in my office, and don’t hesitate to interrupt the meeting and make up an excuse so I can leave lickety split. Got it?
AGNES
Got it.
David turns to his left, goes to the back area of the office. He continues walking to the opposite side of this enormous area and prepares to enter the largest room in this side of the office. He takes a deep breath, straightens himself out, then enters the room.
DAVID
(To High Definition TV screen)
I hope you two didn’t wait too long.
There’s a split screen of a man and a woman on the video screen.
HELEN
Oh, no, Mr. Addison. We had to fix some technical problems.
MADDIE
Well, let us formally introduce ourselves. I’m Madolyn Hayes. Maddie for short –
DAVID
(to TV Screen)
Does that sound formal to you?
MADDIE
And this irritating presence is David Addison.
DAVID
Don’t worry, I’m the kind that grows on you.
MADDIE
There’s another reason to take antibiotics.
BRIAN
(Tries to keep himself from laughing)
I’ve heard about you two.
DAVID
From who?
MADDIE
From who?
BRIAN
From Lou. He kind of warned us about not paying attention to your verbal sparring, but I think it’s pretty endearing. Don’t you Helen?
HELEN
Absolutely. It may be the fire we need to rejuvenate our business.
DAVID
Glad we can help.
MADDIE
Now tell us how you two generally operate your staff and case load.
BRIAN
Well, why don’t you two come out to New York and see for yourselves.
MADDIE
We really shouldn’t impose.
DAVID
Maddie, how are we gonna to know if we don’t go out there?
HELEN
I’d love to show you around the D.C. office.
MADDIE
But, we can’t leave our children.
DAVID
I’ve got three words –
MADDIE
We can’t go?
DAVID
Terry and Walter.
BRIAN
Isn’t that two?
DAVID
Huh?
BRIAN
Two words. “Terry” and “Walter”.
DAVID
No. Three. I’m including the “and”.
HELEN
That would be three.
MADDIE
I don’t know.
DAVID
What is there to know?
MADDIE
I don’t know.
DAVID
Did you wake up on the wrong side of the bed this morning...? Assuming you knew which side it was.
MADDIE
I don’t know. We’re going into unchartered territory. Do you think we can handle this David?
DAVID
This is not the kind of pep talk our new underlings were supposed to hear, is it?
MADDIE
It’s our responsibility to steer new branches into a new course of action. To navigate each office into a new horizon.
DAVID
Whoa, before you discover the new world, why don’t we check in and see our new inventory first.
MADDIE
Okay, okay. We’ll go to D.C. then New York. How does that sound?
DAVID
It's music to my ears.
MADDIE
We’ll be in D.C. tomorrow morning.
DAVID
Uh oh, I’m hearing static on my stereo. Maddie, can you come and help me adjust the little knob. It seems to be stuck.
He gets out of his seat and starts walking to the door. Maddie looks perplexed.
MADDIE
(Getting up)
Would you excuse us?
David just closed the door behind him.
DAVID
What’s the rush?
MADDIE
What?
DAVID
What’s the rush?
MADDIE
Wasn’t it you who suggested for us to see our inventory?
DAVID
Is this the end of the month?
MADDIE
This isn’t even the end of the week.
DAVID
It doesn’t have to be the end of the week to be the end of the month.
(Maddie prepares to speak, but David cuts her off)
The point is what’s the rush?
MADDIE
If we’re going to do this, I say we do it now and get it over with.
DAVID
I say we do it later and take it easy a bit.
MADDIE
(Looking suspicious)
What are you up to?
DAVID
What do you mean?
MADDIE
(Slow and deliberate)
What-are-you-up-to?
AGNES
Mr. Addison?
DAVID
What is it, Agnes?
MADDIE
Not right now, Agnes.
MADDIE
(To David)
I’m still waiting.
DAVID
For Agnes? Me too.
(To Agnes)
What is it?
MADDIE
(Sternly to Agnes)
Not now.
DAVID
That’s exactly what I’m trying to say, Maddie. The world’s not gonna fall off the face of the earth if we waited. Isn't it what you were thinking after you discovered that the world was round?
AGNES
They’re here, Mr. Addison.
DAVID
(Excited)
They’re here?
MADDIE
(Confused)
They’re here?
AGNES
They’re here.
MADDIE
Who’s here? What is this all about?
DAVID
It’s our reason for delaying our trip to the Atlantic.
He pulls Maddie by the hand as they move to his office.
Maddie stands beside David as he sits in his chair. Two men are sitting on David’s black leather sofa.
MAN #1
Let’s cut to why we are here.
DAVID
I thought we just did.
MAN #2
We want you to star in your own TV series.
MADDIE
Isn't that what we're doing?
MAN #1
No, I mean star in a reality based series. You know, have our cameras follow you around everywhere you go. Have the people at home get a sense of knowing what it’s really like to run a successful detective agency.
MADDIE
(Unenthusiastic)
Uhh, You mean one of those intrusive, fly on the wall, voyeuristic shows done specifically for people who need to do more with their lives?
MAN #2
Exactly.
MADDIE
We are not interested.
DAVID
We? We who?
MADDIE
We. Us. You and me. That’s who.
DAVID
I thought "we" are David and Maddie.
MADDIE
You’ve been thinking a lot, haven’t you?
DAVID
Haven’t I always?
MADDIE
Not since we’ve met.
MAN #1
This is great! This is what we came for! This is what we need! We need that excitement. It’ll help put P.I.TV on the cable television map.
DAVID
(To Maddie)
If we’re helping so many businesses, why were we canceled?
MAN #2
This is a great opportunity not only for us, it’ll be great for you too. The extra exposure will do wonders for a growing business.
MADDIE
Since you put it that way...
Another angle shows the cable executives waiting in anticipation.
MADDIE
We’ll pass.
DAVID
Again with the “we,” Maddie? I don’t know who else is in here, but that “we” certainly doesn’t include me.
MADDIE
May I speak with you for a moment?
She leads him over to the door, jerks it open, pushes him out and follows him out the room. A second later, he pokes his head inside.
DAVID
Don’t worry. She’ll come around to our side.
She drags him from the door and slams it shut.
MADDIE
What the hell is this? This outlandish idea was yours, wasn’t it!?
DAVID
Actually, it was their idea. I just happen to agree with it.
Agnes is walking over to David and Maddie.
MADDIE
You want millions of couch potatoes prying into our lives?
DAVID
(Points to camera)
Unlike what they’re doing now?
MADDIE
You know what I mean. These people want to invade our privacy!
DAVID
For a good cause.
MADDIE
A good cause? The only cause they’re seeking is a spike in the Neilson ratings.
AGNES
Miss Hayes?
MADDIE
Not now!
DAVID
Not now!
DAVID
Maddie think of this as a form of public service. Letting the public know what we’re serving. And what are we serving? We’re serving a how-to weekly video guide in figthing crime the Blue Moon way. Don’t you wanna be the Martha Stewart of Private Detecting?
MADDIE
The only thing I’m detecting is you serving a load of –
AGNES
Miss Hayes!?
DAVID
(To Agnes)
Good guess, but kids fourteen and under won't be permitted to see it.
MADDIE
David, forget about it. We’re not doing it.
DAVID
You really need to check the usage of your pronouns. I say we should take advantage of this free publicity. Wait did I say free? Or did I say we’re getting fifty grand for each episode in the first year, seventy-five grand for the second.
MADDIE
I should have known money was at the center of your enthusiasm for public service.
AGNES
Miss Hayes, they’re still waiting!
MADDIE
They?
AGNES
They!
DAVID
They wouldn’t be Brian and Helen, would it?
AGNES
They would.
MADDIE
We gotta go back.
She begins to head for the conference room.
DAVID
We can’t leave these guys in there all alone.
He points his thumb towards his office.
MADDIE
David, they’re big boys. I’m sure they’ll handle it. Better yet, they’re big enough to understand what’s going on and leave.
DAVID
But, we can’t leave L.A. and leave this great opportunity behind.
MADDIE
We can’t ignore the needs of our new employees for the sake of grabbing more attention.
AGNES
Why can’t you do both?
DAVID
Huh?
MADDIE
Huh?
AGNES
Why can’t you go to D.C. and New York and take their cameras with you? Isn’t that the reason why they came? They came to see an emerging business in action. What’s more emerging than traveling to the other side of the country to meet and greet your new staff?
DAVID
She has a point, Maddie.
MADDIE
If they stick to covering the way we run our business and not sticking their cameras into our personal lives, I’ll go along with it.
DAVID
As long as they’re allowed to go through airport security and are able to film it at the same time, I’m willing to suffer through jetlag.
MADDIE
We better get back to the conference room.
DAVID
You go ahead. I’ll be in here to tell these guys the good news.
(To Agnes)
Good job, Agnes. Just for that, you get to watch Blue Moon Headquarters while we’re away.
AGNES
Thanks, Mr. Addison.
She walks back to her desk.
Maddie begins to walk away. David turns to his door and puts his hand on the knob. Maddie stops walking and turns to David. David turns his head to face Maddie.
DAVID
Why don’t we listen to her more often?
MADDIE
Why don’t we listen to her more often?
An outside shot of an airplane flying in the middle of the night. The sound of the jet engine roars in the background.
The jet engine sound is still in the background as Maddie and David sleep in their seats. Another sound filters the air with a few rings. This barely breaks David’s sleep. He looks around to hear where this sound is coming from. He reaches into his pocket to find it is coming from his cell phone. He flips the phone flap up and takes the call.
DAVID
(Groggy)
Hello...?
(Wakes up and sits up)
Aaaay, my man. How’s your Aunt Terri and Uncle Walter treating you...? We promise we’ll be back in a few days, okay...? Davey, c’mon we’ve talked about this. Your mom and I are gonna have to take more of these little trips from now on. We promise to space them out as much as we can... okay little man, it’s time for bed... of course I brushed my teeth. I’m the one who taught you how to do that trick, remember...? no, I will not forget to call tomorrow, now give me a kiss... you’re never man enough until you've given your old dad a kiss through the phone. Now let’s have it...
(Maddie slowly opens her eyes, looks at David and smiles)
Yuck, you gave me one of those sloppy ones. I can feel it on this side of the phone
(He laughs)
... okay, get some sleep... and don’t drive your sister crazy tonight, in the morning, and every morning we’re not there to referee... your mom and I love you too... bye.
He flips down the flap and puts the phone back into his pocket.
MADDIE
(Softly)
Well put.
David turns to her. Maddie grabs his hand, and puts her hand in his on the armrest between their seats. They jerk their heads to the back of them when they hear a loud thump and a woman screams in pain. A wider shot reveals one of the two cameramen and their producer, getting off the floor.
CAMERAMAN #1
Sorry lady. We’re trying to stay awake and see whether we still think taping these two is a good idea.
Maddie and David are sound asleep. There’s a faint clicking sound. Three people are walking into the room, two of them are holding video cameras. They slowly advance on the sleeping couple. One of the cameramen lowers himself to his knees to set the camera near Maddie’s face. Maddie swarms around then throws her arm around and hits the camera. It snaps her out her sleep.
The screen now has a vivid, home video quality.
MADDIE
(Brings the sheets to her neck)
How did you guys get in here?
PRODUCER
We told the front desk the situation –
CAMERAMAN #2
Only to find we didn’t need to waste our breath.
CAMERAMAN #1
Our boss faxed a little note, which permits us to do what we're doing now.
MADDIE
Would it have hurt to tell us about this little development before you scared me half to death?
Another shot returns the screen quality to normal.
PRODUCER
Actually, it would have. We need to capture your natural routine. Not what you were planning to present to us for the sake of the camera.
DAVID
(Jokes – Half asleep)
Wasn’t it you who said you wanted no part of being in a threesome?
(He turns his head, looks up, and is shocked to see the second camera in his face)
What the hell are you guys doing in here?
MADDIE
We’ve gone through that already.
CAMERAMAN #2
Don’t mind us. Go ahead and continue doing what is it you normally do at this time.
DAVID
For that to happen, your show will need to have an NC-17 rating.
Maddie brushes her hair in front of the mirror. David walks out of the bathroom. The only article of clothing undone is his tie. The two cameramen cross in front of each other while covering the couple. David moves over and stands behind Maddie, puts his arms around her waist and kisses her neck. She swarms a little, but she is still in his grasp.
Home Video mode
MADDIE
David, we can’t do this.
DAVID
Why? Are you afraid your folks will know what we really do when they call?
MADDIE
We have to look professional.
DAVID
In our hotel room?
MADDIE
Promise me you won’t do this once we get to the office here and in New York.
DAVID
But –
MADDIE
What would you think if you saw your new bosses walk in and do what we’re doing right now?
DAVID
I’d think they’re an extremely happy couple who happens to have my future in their hands.
Back to Normal Video quality
MADDIE
I want our first impression to say, “They are serious about taking this place to a brand new level,” not, “They breezed in after getting a quickie from the men’s bathroom.”
DAVID
Why does the men’s room always get the blame for kinky behavior? I’ve had some of the kinkiest things done to me in the women’s restroom. Funny, I should say restroom ‘cuz I barely had any rest.
MADDIE
Can you recite your "Red Shoe Diaries" another time? We’re expected to meet Helen in about twenty minutes.
DAVID
It's more than enough time.
He kisses her shoulders.
MADDIE
For what?
DAVID
For a quickie.
She pushes his arms away from her waist and walks to the bathroom and slams the door...
Home Video mode
DAVID
(To Camera)
She gets like that sometimes.
The screen is back to normal when they enter the office. Maddie walks over to the reception area. David walks behind her. Maddie tells the man at the reception desk who they are and asks to see Helen Cartwright.
MAN AT RECEPTION DESK
(Turns to everyone else behind him in the office)
They’re here!!
Everyone stops what they were doing and stand at their desks. They all stand at attention while “Hail To The Chief” plays. Maddie and David are taken aback by their new employees' reaction to their presence.
DAVID
I’m sorry kids, didn’t you hear? Inspection was called off to eradicate a contagious disease called Tightus Uppus.
No reaction from the new employees.
DAVID
(Tilts his head to Maddie’s ear – Sarcastic)
This is gonna be a fun place to visit.
HELEN
(Walking towards them)
You made it.
Helen is a fairly attractive woman in her mid-40's. She's polite, nice yet tough when she has to be. She is shrewd and has much experience as a detective. She loves her work. Formal business wear is her wardrobe of choice for her 5', 6" frame.
MADDIE
Sorry, we’re late.
HELEN
No bother. It’s your office. So, let's start giving you a tour around the place....
She’s now staring at the cameramen. This continues for a few seconds.
DAVID
Great tour so far. We didn't take a single step and we’re already moved.
HELEN
(Snapping out of it)
I’m sorry, Mr. Addison, Miss Hayes... would you walk this way.
Helen’s heels made loud clicking sounds against the spotless, shiny marble floor. David focuses on her distinct switch she does with her hips. It’s not too exaggerated, but it is still distinct. In another attempt to loosen the atmosphere, he imitates Helen’s walk. He exaggerates her walk enough to get a few stifled laughs as he passed through the office. Maddie looks around to see why are people laughing. She got her answer when she looks behind her.
MADDIE
(Shaking her head)
Unbelievable.
DAVID
Ain’t it? I usually need a day to get the movement down.
MADDIE
One day. One day is all I ask –
DAVID
Can I help it if I’m a fast learner?
MADDIE
I told you how important this is for us, but as expected, you make a spectical of yourself.
DAVID
I’m just trying to loosen things up around here.
MADDIE
David, we can’t waltz in and do whatever we think is a good, or in this case, a bad idea –
DAVID
Our signatures on the right side of the word “Owner” says we can.
MADDIE
We shouldn’t be throwing our weight around on our first day.
DAVID
We shouldn’t throw our weight around today or any other day. Otherwise, we’d make a huge mess on our lovely marble floor.
MADDIE
Why am I talking to you?
DAVID
Largely because I’m the only one who knows you.
MADDIE
Is it me...?
MADDIE
...Or am I the only one here who thinks you’re exhibiting unacceptable behavior? Why do I continue to tell you what you already know? What I’m saying is right. You know, it’s right...All right, I’ll admit some of your antics can, for whatever reason, take some of the edge off, but you don't have to act like a buffoon to do it. If these people wanted a clown, they would have hired one for their children’s birthday party...
DAVID
Must be you ‘cuz I don’t hear anyone else complaining. I’m trying to make things more comfortable, minimize the tension, take some of the edge off. What I already know is what you don’t wanna hear. But I gonna say it anyway. You need to do a lot more than show your presence to impress your pupils after the first day of school. They need more time to get used to us. We can’t do that in a five minute walk through the park visit...
They continue arguing while their new employees watch in confusion. A man turns to his female colleague and says:
EMPLOYEE
Ours is not to reason why. Ours is to continue getting our paychecks.
Helen proceeds to give Maddie and David the tour through their new branch office. They passed a forensics lab in the basement. They are now walking toward a room that tests new spy equipment. After Maddie and David made their introductions, they continue on their tour to go the left side of the enormous basement area and step into another room, which has more sophisticated surveillance and spy equipment. A woman rises up from a huge underwater fiberglass tank, takes off her special head gear from her scuba equipment, and shakes hands with her new employers.
Helen leads Maddie and David to her office. They pass many faces and marble pillars to enter Helen’s cozy yet spacious office.
MADDIE
This has been fascinating. I wasn’t aware we have this much at our disposal.
HELEN
When you’re working along side the F.B.I. and C.I.A., you’re libel to get a few perks here and there.
DAVID
It has definitely fulfilled my Christmas list.
HELEN
I was wondering if you would like to help me on a case I’m starting to work on.
MADDIE
Oh, absolutely. When do we start?
HELEN
The client should be arriving at any moment.
This room has a stately feel to it. It has a much serious tone than the conference room Maddie and David are accustomed to. David holds the door out for both ladies as he enters the room last and shuts the door.
HELEN
(Walks to the client and prepares to shake his hand)
Hello Mr. Saunders. How –
MR. SAUNDERS
What did I tell you? I didn’t want any other of your detectives weaseling in on this case. I can’t have any opportunity for anything to leak out.
DAVID
Let me guess, one of the faucets is acting a little funny. It never fails. It doesn’t matter which coast you set your feet on. An overactive faucet can make anyone into a nut job.
MADDIE
(Looks at David)
So, that’s how it began.
HELEN
Mr. Saunders, it’s all right –
MR. SAUNDERS
Make them leave or I’ll sue for breech of client confidentiality.
DAVID
I’ve forgotten how litigious it can be to walk through a door.
HELEN
I assure you. They’re not going to leak anything. It’s not in their best interest to do so since they now own this place.
Mr. Saunders looks at Maddie and David suspiciously, then gives a half smile to Helen.
MR. SAUNDERS
You’re making this up.
DAVID
A receipt for 45 million, 375 employees coast to coast and a sleepless night on the red eye indicates we’re not.
Mr. Saunders, Helen, Maddie and David plus two cameramen behind them all, are walking carefully. “Private Eyes,” by Hall and Oates is playing. Mr. Saunders shushes everyone. The music decreases in volume. David turns in back of him and looks to the camera.
Home Video mode
DAVID
(Whispers)
What we’re doing now is sneaking. See, we don't want anyone else in the building to know what we’re doing at this very moment.
MR. SAUNDERS
Shhhh!
DAVID
(Whispers softer)
Our mission is to retrieve a valuable object, which was stolen from –
MR. SAUNDERS
Shhhh!
DAVID
(Whispers with emphasis)
Hey. You should be glad you’re our first case ever to be spotlighted on TV. With that being said, I strongly suggest you make an appointment to go to Hair Club for Men. It may cost more, but every strand will stay in its place.
Mr. Saunders frantically touches his hair then hides in front of Maddie to shift his rug back into place.
HELEN
Okay, here we are.
Back to Normal Video mode
She stands in front of the second door to the right of the hallway. The rest of the group catches up to her. She takes out a pin and plays with the lock on the door. She twists the knob and slowly swings the door inward and motions her hand for people to follow her into the room.
Everyone slips in, then Maddie’s cell phone rings. Maddie quickly turns away from everyone else. She covers the side of her mouth with her free hand so her voice wouldn’t carry through the room.
MADDIE
Hello...? Hi sweetie, how was your day...? Umm Ashley, I hate to cut you off. I’d love to hear how you think your brother cheated you out of a game of “NBA 2001” but... honey, isn’t it time for bed...? Yes, we are on eastern standard time... it doesn't matter you still need to go to sleep... Ashley, I wish I could but... hold on... after this, I want you to go to bed you understand...? okay... love you too.
Maddie goes over to David. She’s right behind him and taps him on the shoulder. He whips around in defense. It took him a second to notice Maddie holding her cell phone out to him. He takes it.
DAVID
Yeah...? Sweet pea, how’s it goin’...?
MR. SAUNDERS
Shhhh!
DAVID
(Irritated)
You shhhh! I’m talking to my daughter.
(To phone)
What? Uhh, you don’t wanna know who that was. I don’t wanna know who that was, and I already know... huh? ... Do I have to do this now...? Right now...? Right, right now...? all right, hold on...
He takes a deep breath and starts to honor his daughter’s request.
DAVID
(Singing)
My Cherie Amor
Lovely as a summer day
My Cherie Amor
Distant as a Milky Way...
David jerks his head to his right as he hears a sound of a barking dog. He can anticipate Mr. Saunders’ anger, but is shocked to hear –
MR. SAUNDERS
C’mon, keep it going. She’ll be able to know where to run. C’mon.
DAVID
(Begrudgingly he continues to sing)
My Cherie Amor
Pretty little woman I adore
(The dog howls along to the song)
Your the only girl my heart beats for
I wish that you were mine...
A Chawawa jumps into Mr. Saunders’ lap and licks his face. David and Maddie are in disbelief.
DAVID
You mean, we've wasted a night to chow down in some of D.C.’s finest restaurants to get "Fluffy" back into his dog house?
HELEN
I swear, I didn’t know anything about this.
MR. SAUNDERS
It’s not "Fluffy", it’s Sparky. Sparky’s valuable. And it’s not a he, it’s a she. She’s a finalist in the most prestigious dog show in the country.
(Maddie and David look at each other as if to say, “This is not happening.”)
She has a great chance of winning Best in Show.
HELEN
(To Maddie and David)
I honestly didn’t know this was the valuable thing he was talking about.
David hears a voice coming from his hand and quickly puts the phone to his ear.
DAVID
Ash, I gotta go... no honey, I’m only able to give you the edited “Ashley Needs To Go To Sleep” version... love you ...
(Makes kissing sound to the phone)
Bye.
He flips the flap down and gives Maddie her phone. She puts it back in her purse.
HELEN
Mr. Saunders, didn’t you tell me the valuable thing was taken from you by a high ranking government official?
MR. SAUNDERS
Yeah.
HELEN
(Looks around)
This looks kind of small for a home of a big wig.
MR. SAUNDERS
Okay, he’s a clerk.
DAVID
He’s a what?
MR. SAUNDERS
A clerk. The guy who stole my Sparky is a clerk of a high ranking official.
DAVID
At least he’s around what is commonly known as the truth.
MR. SAUNDERS
Look, I felt if I built up the case much more than it is, but to me winning Best in Show is pretty damn important... you’d make my case a top priority.
DAVID
Can we sue him for giving us a false case?
HELEN
Not if he still pays us.
DAVID
(Puts his arm around Helen’s shoulder)
You’re my kind of woman...
(Looks at Maddie)
in a non-sexual way.
CAMERAMAN #1
We’d have better luck breaking into the home of an intern.
EVERYONE EXCEPT MADDIE AND HELEN
Can we still do that?
MADDIE
(Flatly)
No.
HELEN
(Flatly)
No.
Suddenly, the lights are turned on. The burst of light makes everyone reach for their eyes to protect their eyesight.
MAN
Harold? What are you doing here? Who are all these people you brought in my living room?
HAROLD
Don’t try to change the subject! I caught ya red handed, Ron. I should sue you for kidnapping Sparky!
RON
Not before I have you arrested for breaking and entering!
HAROLD
Admit it Ron. You wanted to hold my Sparky for ransom.
RON
(Bewildered)
Ransom!?
HAROLD
C’mon, don’t play coy with me. You knew Sparky here has a great shot a winning the dog show and you’re tryin’ to milk this so I'd have to fork over the prize money. Didn’t think I’d remember your gambling debts –
RON
Which I were paid in full a few weeks ago. You’re the one who dragged me to Gamblers Anonymous.
HAROLD
(Searching for another excuse)
Yeah, well... how about –
DAVID
How ‘bout telling us the reason why you got Mr. Saunders’ dog?
HAROLD
(Getting a second wind)
Yeah!
RON
Sparky needed to be taken to the Vet.
EVERYONE
The Vet?
RON
The Vet. She wasn’t looking too good. I dropped off my HMO information for you yesterday, Harry, but you were still at work. I knew this doggy contest thing is important to you so I took her to the nearest Vet. I went back to your house the next morning. I couldn't leave Sparky there, though. You had already left for the day. I was fixin’ to take her back right now before I saw you and all these people on my carpet.
MADDIE
So, you didn’t steal, Sparky?
RON
No, never. I don’t want anything too difficult to poddy train.
DAVID
Don’t have kids.
Maddie and Helen shakes Ron’s hand and apologizes for their intrusion. David walks over to Harold Saunders.
DAVID
The next time you find Sparky missing, why don’t you at least drop a line to your ol’ friend before making up cases you’ll ultimately have to pay up the ying yang.
HAROLD
I’m really sorry about this. Is there anything I can do to make it up to you?
DAVID
Take the little pooch home and give her some shut eye. I don’t want her to lose tomorrow so you can sue us for making her stay up past her bedtime.
David and Maddie sits in the two chairs in front of Helen’s desk.
HELEN
I wish you two can stay for at least another day.
MADDIE
I wish we can too, but –
DAVID
We have to be up in the Big Apple ASAP, or we can forget getting any realistic shot at those tickets for “The Producers.”
HELEN
I’ll e-mail the financial statements from the last quarter you requested, Miss Hayes... and I will definitely implement some of the changes you suggested, Mr. Addison.
MADDIE
What changes?
VOICE
(Off Screen - outside the office)
Are you serious? We’re getting a game room? I think I love our new owners already!
DAVID
Yup. That’s our mission. To spread love wherever there’s a need.
MADDIE
Let’s hope no one gets a rash.
HELEN
(Looks at her watch)
I think it’s about time for you two to catch the shuttle.
DAVID
(Makes a serious face)
Are you trying to get rid of us?
HELEN
(Gets flustered)
No... I... I was only trying to... you know...
MADDIE
(Walks over to Helen and calms her down)
Helen, Helen... It’s okay.
(To Helen’s ear)
You’ll learn how to take his comments in one ear and out the other.
DAVID
I wouldn’t be too sure.
MADDIE
(Looks wearily at Helen)
It takes practice.
An outside shot of an airplane flying in the bright blue sky. The sound of the jet engine in the background.
CUT TO:
The jet engine continues to roar as Maddie stares out of the window. David sits back with his eyes closed, but he is not asleep.
MADDIE
David?
DAVID
Maddie.
MADDIE
Did you call your father yet?
DAVID
Hmm?
MADDIE
Did you call your father? I’m sure he’d love to see our new office.
DAVID
I totally forgot.
(Takes out his cell phone from his pocket)
With everything that’s been going on, it slipped my mind.
MADDIE
Things actually get to slip in there?
DAVID
Fine, make jokes.
(Puts phone to his ear)
We’ll see who gets the last laugh when I tell on you. My father’s the last man you wanna see PO’d. For the sake of saving your tush, I’ll tell Dad to leave all the spanking to me.
(Gives her a mischievous grin)
Hey Dad, it’s me... no it’s the one who doesn’t call, but should call, but forgets to call.... How am I doin’...? Well, my ears popped, my throat is dry and my legs fell asleep. Sitting in first class ain’t what it used to be.... Where am I...? We passed Maryland ten minutes ago, by the way, Maddie decided to tag along.
(To Maddie)
Say hi.
Maddie puts phone to her ear.
MADDIE
Hi.
DAVID
(Brings phone back to his ear)
We’re heading to New York.... What for...? I must not have told you about our business coup. Yeah, we took over Lou LaSalle’s territory... that’s right. We bought out the competition. Now I know how the guys at Mircosoft feel.... Yeah Dad, I know, I know, but there were so much we had to do... I understand Pop, but... tell you what? You can head us off at the pass at our hotel room and I can explain things from there...
The door opens. Maddie’s face lights up when she sees her father-in-law.
MADDIE
Hi Dad!
DAVID, SR.
You’re are as beautiful as the day you got hitched to this so-and-so.
He looks over at David.
DAVID
First time anyone got hitched to a so-and-so.
DAVID, SR.
Come here you.
David walks over to his father and shares a bear hug.
DAVID
Speaking of so-and-sos how’s Stephanie?
DAVID, SR.
She’s great. Never better. She sends her love.
DAVID
We’re glad to receive it.
DAVID, SR.
I never thought I’d be the one who raised a tycoon.
DAVID
If owning four offices in three cities is tycoon status, they must have really lowered their standards.
Home Video mode
DAVID, SR.
(Looks to Camera)
What’s all this? Shooting a commercial?
DAVID
No, no. This is for a reality TV show. They’re featuring us and our agency.
DAVID
That’s ironic. The more I see you, the more unreal things turn out to be. It’s unreal ‘cuz I never really get to see you.
Normal Video mode
DAVID
Well Dad. You know how it is. We’re swamped with work, swamped with homework... the kids not ours...
DAVID, SR.
Hey, where are they? Hiddin’? When do I get to see them?
DAVID
How ‘bout Thanksgiving?
MADDIE
Sorry, we couldn’t take them out of school.
DAVID, SR.
I guess it makes sense.
DAVID
What makes more sense is for us to get going. It wouldn’t be prudent to show up late for our first day at work.
The office is located near third avenue in Midtown Manhattan. As they step in and ask the executive assistant to see Brian Diaz, all the people in the office are slowly catching the buzz that the new owners have arrived. They are drifting to their desks around this huge office space. Brian walks out of his office and tells someone where to get some water. He's a pleasant looking man in his late 30's. He prefers the low-top fade haircut (Hair closely shaved on the sides, and hair evenly cut on top) A typical New York yuppie (with manners). Fills out his business suits with a wiry 5'-10" body. He turns his head to see Maddie and David. Brian excuses himself and walks over to greet his bosses.
BRIAN
Miss Hayes, Mr. Addison. We finally meet face to face.
Brian shakes Maddie’s hand.
DAVID
Feels good doesn’t it?
(Shakes Brian’s hand)
Brian, this is my father David Addison, Sr.
BRAIN
It’s a pleasure to meet you, sir.
He extends his hand to David, Sr.
DAVID, SR.
It’s a pleasure to be met.
MADDIE
I hope you’re not camera shy. These guys will be following us everywhere we go.
BRIAN
Sure, no problem.
DAVID
Shall we take a look see at our new digs?
BRIAN
No time like the present.
DAVID
(Clears his throat)
After I get some water. Is there a fountain near by?
BRIAN
It’s right over there.
David is looking everywhere, but Maddie sees a water cooler at her right. When she turns toward the right, she notices a woman at the water cooler. Maddie thinks she has been her before but is not sure. The woman disappears into the room Brian walked out of a few minutes ago.
MADDIE
David, it’s over there.
Maddie points at the water cooler)
DAVID
Cooler, Fountain same difference.
(Turns to Maddie)
Don’t start the tour without me.
MADDIE
Wouldn’t dream of it.
DAVID
Well, without me there isn’t anything to dream about.
MADDIE
Dream on.
They share a playful smile before he goes over to the water cooler.
BRIAN
Mr. Addison, I'm sorry could you get me my keys? I left them on my desk. There’s a room I need to show you and I usually keep it locked.
DAVID
You got it.
He decides to go to Brian’s office before going to the water cooler. David is now a few feet away from entering the office when Maddie argues with one of the cameramen. David walks backward to watch what his wife is doing.
DAVID
Look, Maddie can we get through one day without any hassles? A stress free day? A day without stress? Hadn’t had any of those lately.
(Still walking backward. He makes a quick glance periodically to see where is going.)
I just wanna get in here, get the keys, and get back to walking hand in hand with my lovely, stress free wife.
David enters Brian’s office backward then bumps into something. He and the object fall to the floor. He slowly raises his head and realizes the object is a person. When the person looks into his eyes, he sees Tess.
DAVID
Wrong wife.
A still image of the title is showing. An abbreviated version of the theme is being used. Maddie and David's voices are in voice over.
DAVID
While you set your TV set on this TV channel, it’ll set you up perfectly after searching for leftovers.
MADDIE
Easy for you to say.
A still image of the title is showing. An abbreviated version of the theme is being used. Maddie and David's voices are in voice over.
DAVID
Welcome back. My nose tells me they got leftovers out there.
MADDIE
So? We already have leftovers.
DAVID
That’s why it’s been left over.
David is still on the floor staring at the woman he never thought he'd see again in his lifetime.
DAVID
(Feeling Awkward)
Hey.
TESS
Hey.
DAVID
Umm... let me help you up.
Tess gets up from the floor. David follows her lead.
TESS
No. It’s okay. I’m fine... how... how are you doing? Are you –
MADDIE (O.S.)
David, what’s taking you so long? You have everyone out here wait...
She enters the room and can now match the resemblance she saw a few minutes ago. The producer and the two cameramen are close behind her.
MADDIE
(Feels awkward)
Hello.
DAVID
Oh, Maddie. I’m sure you must be wondering who’s this woman –
MADDIE
(Without thinking)
We’ve already met.
DAVID
(Baffled)
You have?
TESS
We have?
Tess gives Maddie a look to show she really does remember their meeting, but she is willing to keep it a secret for Maddie’s sake.
MADDIE
(Plays along)
Oh, I’m sorry. I must have you mixed up with someone else. Hi. I’m Maddie Hayes.
She extends her right hand. She and Tess shake hands.
TESS
I’m Tess Livingston.
DAVID
Livingston? Took another trip to City Hall, huh?
TESS
In a manner of speaking, yes.
DAVID, SR.
What’s the hold up?
(Walks in the room)
Tess! I haven’t seen you for so long. Too long. I wondered if you dropped off the face of the earth or not. How have you been?
David looks worried.
TESS
I’m doing quite well, Mr. Addison.
DAVID, SR.
I understand the marriage went caput, but to this day I can’t figure out why the two of you didn’t bury the hatchet by now.
TESS
I felt the same way.
She looks over at David, but he looks down to the floor.
PRODUCER
Do you see what I see?
CAMERAMAN #1
No.
CAMERAMAN #2
What do you see?
PRODUCER
(Smiles and gets excited)
A major plot twist.
A second later, Brian walks in.
BRIAN
What’s wrong, Mr. Addison? You couldn’t find them?
DAVID
Find what?
(He soon remembers why he came in the room)
The keys. Right.
As David goes to Brian's desk, it allows him to get his first real glimpse of Brian's office. It is more casual than Helen's office, but it still has a serious feel to it. This serious feel is balanced with having golf clubs in one corner, fishing rods in another, two large potted plants near Brian's hi-rise window on the left side of the room, and an autographed baseball signed by the 1998 New York Yankees right behind Brian's nameplate located front and center of his desk.
BRIAN
If you want to do the tour thing another time, I completely understand.
TESS
Tour?
BRIAN
Oh, yes, Mrs. Livingston. I was about to tell you that our meeting has to be cut short to accommodate the first visit of the new owners of the company.
Tess looks at David and Maddie.
MADDIE
Nonsense. If you need time to work on a case, we can schedule another visit another time.
DAVID
That sounds like a good idea. How ‘bout we swing back out to this part of the country say... early next year?
BRIAN
Well, if you don’t mind me asking, sir. I was hoping you and Miss Hayes can help me in this investigation.
DAVID
Hey, I trust you. If Lou didn’t have to put you on a leash, why should we?
BRIAN
No. It’s not like that at all. I’d welcome your expertise. It seems like when I came in, Mrs. Livingston seemed pretty comfortable ... familiar with all of you. It may be something she can count on with an investigation such as this.
DAVID, SR.
I can see you guys are about to get down to business. It sounds like a good idea for me to steal. Hey, why don’t I take you all out to dinner?
DAVID
Dad, you don’t have to do that.
DAVID, SR.
Tell you what. When you see me being nursed in a nursing home, I'll let you tell me what I don’t have to do.
DAVID
I bet even then you wouldn’t listen to me.
DAVID, SR.
Damn straight. If there’s no other objections, I’ll see you all at eight.
(Walks to the door then turns back around)
Hey, Tess. You bring your husband.
DAVID
Husband?
DAVID, SR.
When Brian called her Mrs. Livingston, I assumed she’s married.
DAVID
Umm, Dad it might not be a good idea.
DAVID, SR.
Is your name Tess?
TESS
I’ll see whether he wants to come.
David looks at her as if to say, “What in the world are you doing?” Tess looks back to answer, “Everything is okay.”
DAVID, SR.
I hope he does. I wanna know who’s the lucky guy who stole you away from my son.
As David, Sr. smiles at Tess, David looks as though he is going to be sick.
BRIAN
(To Tess)
But, I thought you said –
MADDIE
(Interrupts)
We’ll see you at eight.
DAVID
(To himself)
Give or take an hour.
DAVID, SR.
It’s a date... don’t tell my wife.
He laughs while David, Maddie and Tess gives a nervous laugh in return.
DAVID, SR.
I’ll see you kids later.
He leaves the office.
DAVID
(To Tess)
What the hell was that?
TESS
David, we can’t hide this forever. He’s bound to know eventually.
DAVID
I’d rather him not knowing at all. Did you ever think what this might do to him?
TESS
Listen, let me take you and Maddie out to lunch. It’ll get a chance for us to catch up and for you to meet the person you’re so hard to keep in the closet.
DAVID
This has absolutely nothing to do with that.
TESS
You never told him about it, but for some reason "this" has nothing to do with "that."
MADDIE
(Leads Brian out the door)
Brian, I'd like for you to fill me in on what’s going on in this particular case.
BRIAN
(Getting the message)
I’d be happy to Miss Hayes.
Maddie and Brian leave. The only people who are smiling are the TV crew. They continue to capture what is unfolding so far.
Home Video mode
TESS
You never told anyone why we really got divorced, and why you moved to L.A.
DAVID
Look this isn’t the time –
TESS
When is it the time, David? We have to get through this. We have to get past this.
DAVID
Says who? Says the one who still has a load full of a guilt? It must be weighting a ton.
TESS
Well, if you’d only let me –
DAVID
Why should I let you off the hook? You did what you did so why can’t you live with it.
TESS
Why can’t you?
DAVID
(Calms down)
Tess, I’m not against you... being who... what you are...
TESS
And what am I, David? I bet after all this time, you still can’t say what I am... I’m not trying to destroy your life.
DAVID
You have a funny way of showing it.
Normal Video mode
TESS
But the fact remains, now that you own this agency, now that you don’t have the luxury to hide in California anymore, you can’t hide the probability of me bumping into you while my wife and I walk over to our favorite restaurant for lunch... which is a few blocks away... I'd say it's more than a fifty percent chance.
(David walks around the room aimlessly. He drags his hands through his hair)
If we do it this way, it’ll be out in the open... open and above board.
DAVID
(Slowly coming around to the idea)
Well, I’m glad we’re telling Maddie first.
He starts walking out the door.
TESS
(To herself)
Because she already knows.
Tess, Maddie and David are seated with empty plates at one of the tables of an upscale restaurant.
TESS
I caught the acting bug again.
DAVID
Obviously waiting tables at odd hours wasn’t a strong enough vaccine.
TESS
I’m one of the leads in an Off Broadway play.
MADDIE
That’s terrific. What’s it called?
DAVID
(Looks at his watch)
“The Forgotten Lunch Date.”
TESS
It’s called, “I Fell For You.”
DAVID
Does anyone fall down the stairs? I love slapstick.
MADDIE
Somehow Moe, Larry and Curly are not part of the equation.
DAVID
I’d be surprised to see them solve any equations.
MADDIE
(Sarcastically)
Finally, something to look forward to.
DAVID
By the way, don’t worry about the camera guys over there
(He points to the cameramen at near by table)
They’re making our video diary and airing it for the fall season. So...
(Hestiates for a second)
How long have you been married?
TESS
Three years. We’ve known each other for seven. We also adopted a little girl, Sabrina.
(Takes pictures out from her purse and gives them to Maddie)
She’s eight.
MADDIE
Really? Our daughter’s the same age.
Maddie goes into her purse and pulls out pictures of her children.
TESS
You have kids?
DAVID
Both of them. Ashley and David... he’s two years older.
TESS
(has a far away look)
David, huh?
DAVID
Pretty imaginative, ain’t it?
TESS
No, it’s a good name. A great name...
(Looks at little David pictured with his father)
A great name for your first born.
The wounded look she gives David told him all he needed to know.
WOMAN
I’m sorry I’m late.
An attractive, redheaded woman in stylish business attire, walks over to their table. The camera crew gets themselves ready for, and hoping for, something out of the ordinary. The woman sits down at the empty seat next to Tess. She leans over to Tess and gives her a peck.
WOMAN
Tess, I tried to get out of the meeting, but those reps. from Estee Lauder kept going on and on and on.TESS
Rebecca, I’d like you to meet David Addison and Maddie Hayes. These are the detectives I told you about.
REBECCA
Yes, I'm glad you’re taking the time out of your busy schedule to help me.
(Maddie shakes her hand. David has to stand up and leans forward to do the same; To David)
Tess told me you two grew up together.
DAVID
(Unenthusiastic)
Yes indeedy. We did.
MADDIE
(Tries to act uneasy for David)
So... you're her... wife?
REBECCA
Yeah, it's one of those typical stories you always hear couples talk about. We were friends then we became more than friends. One was more ready to commit than the other... despite flying 6,000 miles, saying "Aloha," and making sure my life partner was recognized by law, not to mention my insurance policy, can you find any other thing that isn't typical about our union?
DAVID
(To himself)
I can think of one.
MADDIE
(Changing the subject)
Brian has briefed me on what happened. Are you sure you didn’t know how the package got to the other firm?
REBECCA
Not if I wanted to commit career suicide. Harper Advertising Agency was our leading competitor to the new Lexus campaign. If we had it, it would have been a gold mine for us at Green Whitman. Plus, it would have been a great selling point for the merger.
DAVID
Merger?
REBECCA
Our company is in the process of buying BBDNO.
MADDIE
B-B-D-N-O? Who’s BBDNO?
DAVID
I dunno.
REBECCA
It’s one of the newest, brightest ad agencies in the country. Green Whitman thought it would be a great idea to merge. Put new vitality in our company and in the industry.
DAVID
But, why were you blamed for botching an account? Madison Avenue sinks ideas faster than a sinking ship. Leaving nothing more to hold onto than a dingy.
(To Camera)
Thought I was gonna say," Titantic," didn’t you?
MADDIE
Would have been nice.
(Turns to David)
Would have also made the joke go a lot faster.
TESS
The merger isn't going to proceed until this matter is cleared up.
MADDIE
It could be someone from BBDNO trying to sabotage the deal.
DAVID
But, how would they know who to screw?
(Maddie glares at him)
You know what I mean.
REBECCA
I know what he means. It has to be an inside job. The person has to know my password to get into my computer and the network computer.
DAVID
This calls for a long distance connection with a Systems Analyst I know. He's also covering as my children’s godfather.
David gets up and leaves the table. The waiter passes by him and stops at his table to serve what they ordered.
DAVID
If I had known beforehand, I would have gotten up sooner.
David goes into a quiet area to use his cell phone. He calls Walter and tells him about the case and asks him what to look for. He also asks how his children are doing. David tells Walter to call him as soon as he can. Seconds after David puts his phone back in his pocket, he begins going back to his table. He slows down his stride to hear the different strategy the producer is telling his cameramen. He tells them to capture more of the family drama, and less on actual detective work. David gets angry and goes to their table.
DAVID
What the hell is going on?
PRODUCER
That’s what I should ask you. You never told us you have an ex-wife who did an Ann Heche?
DAVID
Number one, it’s none of your business and number two, technically, she did an Ellen DeGeneres.
PRODUCER
She did Ellen DeGeneres too? She sure does get around.
DAVID
My fist will get around to your eye you don’t shut up.
MADDIE (O.S.)
David, what are you doing? We’re almost finished with our food.
DAVID
How fitting. This overrated home video is almost finished.
Maddie gets up from her seat and starts walking toward David.
PRODUCER
According to whom?
DAVID
According to the guy who doesn’t want anyone to know his beez wax.
Maddie now stands beside David.
PRODUCER
And who would that be? It can’t be you because you signed a contract. And it tells me you can’t be that guy or else we get to sue that guy so I need to know... are you that guy?
MADDIE
(Looks annoyed)
No. He’s not that guy.
PRODUCER
Good.
CAMERAMAN #2
Didn’t you say you can’t stand that guy?
PRODUCER
No, I meant that other guy.
CAMERAMAN #1
But, he was great in “The Whole Nine Yards.”
MADDIE
We need to go back to our table.
DAVID
(Snide tone)
Nice talking to you.
David and Maddie walk back to their table.
PRODUCER
(Smug)
Yeah, same here.
DAVID
Yeah, same –
MADDIE
David.
She stops him from making a rude gesture.
Maddie races to Brian’s room. David tries to keep pace.
MADDIE
What did I tell you? I tried to tell you, but you didn’t want to hear me tell you.
DAVID
Tell me what?
MADDIE
Tell you what? Okay, how's this? I told you these people were going to get bored. I told you they will start poking into our lives. I told you this was a bad idea. Very bad. Unbelievably bad.
David opens the door to Brian’s office. They go in.
DAVID
It ain’t that bad.
MADDIE
You what!
She slams the door behind her
DAVID
I thought it over –
MADDIE
God help us –
DAVID
And it’s really not that bad.
MADDIE
If it’s not that bad, why don’t you tell her?
DAVID
Tell wh – oh, Tess? Her? She’s the one who’s claustrophobic.
MADDIE
She never asked for this. We never asked her to put her life on display like this.
DAVID
She never asked me to clue my father in on what actually happened... she did, but I still don’t wanna do it.
MADDIE
You have no problem showing millions what you couldn't tell anyone, not even me, for decades.
DAVID
I didn't say I didn't have any problem with it.
MADDIE
Then what are you saying?
DAVID
I'm saying anything to keep my mind off it. That's what I'm saying.
MADDIE
How is this going to help Tess? How is this going to help Dad? Most of all, how is this going to help Ashley and David? They're going to ask a lot of questions once this goes on the air. What are we going to say to them? What are they going to say to their friends at school because you know kids are going to ask questions. If and when they hear about Tess, I want it to from us not from a TV screen. David, there's a lot at stake here. Lawsuit or no lawsuit, you have to tell these people to back off.
Brian opens the door and enters the room.
BRIAN
Good Afternoon, Miss Hayes. Mr. Addison.
MADDIE
(Mumbles)
I’ll be the judge of that.
BRIAN
I just got off the phone with one of our detectives I put out in the field. The one I finished talking to is covering as a messenger for the same company who sent Harper Ad Agency that package. She was able to locate who delivered it. She's now in the process of contacting the person. I also put another one of our guys in Harper Agency itself to see whether the disks and the envelope can be retrieved. He came back an hour ago and gave me this.
Brian gives Maddie the envelope. She and David examine it to see who sent it.
MADDIE
Didn’t Rebecca tell us she didn’t send the package?
DAVID
Yeah, so?
MADDIE
So, why did she sign her name on a package she said she never sent?
The screen goes to Home Video mode as it slowly pans Rebecca's office. The office is as elegant as her style of dress. This company took a page out of some of the modern architecture from the Guggenheim Museum. Except their floors levels don’t wrap around in circles. Her walls are of thick glass. The wood frames the edges of her doorway and edges the three sides of the room. The fourth side is solid wood in back of her. It shelves a lot of books, works of art, and awards including some Cilo awards – the “Oscar” of the advertising world. David looks over to the left side of the room where he sees the cars and people bustling 12 floors below him out of the huge hi-rise window.
REBECCA
But, I always fill out these things before I send them.
She goes into one of her desk drawers and takes out many forms and places them on the desk closest to where Maddie is standing. She examines the forms, and sees Rebecca’s signature on all of them.
REBECCA
It takes the hassle out of filling each of these every time I want something delivered.
DAVID
(Walking back to Rebecca’s desk)
But there’s something else we need to clear up. If you didn’t send the package, why was it sitting on your desk?
REBECCA
Sitting on my desk?
MADDIE
That’s what your boss told us.
REBECCA
How could she know? Julie wasn’t there.
JULIE (O.S.)
But my husband was.
Everyone is caught off guard. The camera swings around to see it was Julie Oliver at her door. She's a sophisticated yet casual dressing woman who is in her 40's. She can get overbearing at times, but is considered a mentor as she creatively directs Rebecca’s art direction.
REBECCA
He was here?
JULIE
Nick came to pick me up. We were planning to go to the new Vietnamese restaurant down in Soho. While he was waiting, Nick came out here and saw the guy pick up the package from your desk.
REBECCA
But there was no package. I wasn’t even finished with the ad.
JULIE
It was enough for Harper Agency when they submitted it to Lexus. It was so complete they won the account.
Back to Normal Video mode
REBECCA
I swear someone must have stolen my password. I never gave it out to anyone. You’re the only one who knows.
JULIE
It certainly wasn’t me. Why would I want to get into your computer? And please don't get me started on how inept I am with network computers. Look, I know you’re confused, especially when you had to rush out of here like you did.
REBECCA
You would have too if you had to go to the hospital.
MADDIE
Hospital?
DAVID
Hospital?
TESS
Yeah, Hospital. I called Becky while Sabrina and I waited in E.R. She fell off the Monkey Bars and bruised her right side.
MADDIE
Is she all right?
TESS
She’s still feeling a bit sore, but she’s fine.
This Chelsea apartment is tastefully done. Not too modern, not too many antiques either. It’s a pretty good mixture. There are some posters scattered around the apartment of some of Tess’ prior starring, co-starring and supporting roles from Off Broadway plays. David looks at the poster for her current play she said she’s staring in, “I Fell For You.” Maddie and David sit on the living room love seat as they wait for one of Tess and Rebecca’ neighbors in the building to come and babysit Sabrina.
DAVID
So, what's up with this package?
REBECCA
It was never on my desk.
MADDIE
But how do you explain what happened to all your files, not to mention, the Lexus account disappearing?
DAVID
Either you’ve been sleepwalkin’ through the day, or somebody’s been fooling ‘round in your drawers at night.
Maddie’s cell phone rings. She takes it out of her purse.
MADDIE
Hello... Brian, were you able to get anymore info...? Hackers...? We've got computer hackers?
DAVID
We've got computer hackers?
MADDIE
(To David)
They were able to get into Green Whitman’s network computer and recovered the missing files... and get this... they were trashed on the same night her files were trashed... the same night that package was delivered to Harper Ad Agency.
DAVID
(To Himself - Sounding impressed)
We've got computer hackers.
MADDIE
(To Phone)
You have more information to tell us in the morning? I think you said more than expected, but we’ll be there bright and early.
DAVID
Bright and early?
MADDIE
(More Emphatic)
Bright and early.
(To Phone)
Good work... okay, bye.
(She puts the phone back in her purse)
Now, we definitely have proof someone’s trying to set you up.
TESS
Who would want to do such a thing?
DAVID
That “such of thing” is what we’re close to uncovering. Speaking of things uncovered...
(Looks at Maddie who’s wearing a backless, form fitting, Cream color evening dress.)
Did you forget we are in a four seasoned climate?
MADDIE
You didn’t complain when you were zipping me up.
DAVID
Because there was nothing much to zip. There’s no need to impress me. You already got me.
MADDIE
I just wanted to show whoever is still watching, I’m still a woman men what to hold on to.
DAVID
Are you kiddin’? I’d hold on to you even when you stuff yourself in a trash bag.
MADDIE
(Gets ready to leave apartment)
Okay, then I’ll go back and change.
DAVID
(Stopping her)
On the other hand, I wouldn’t mind being reminded.
Tess, Rebecca, Maddie and David follow the maitre’d to their five seat table. Tess and Rebecca sit next to each other. David pulls the chair out for Maddie and helps her get comfortable in her seat. David is left with sitting in between Tess at his right and Maddie at his left. The seat between Maddie and Rebecca is vacant for David's father.
TESS
(Leans over to David)
Can I talk to you?
DAVID
Isn’t that what you’re doing?
TESS
In private?
David gets out of his seat.
DAVID
(To Maddie and Rebecca)
Excuse me, ladies.
Tess leads him over to a quiet, unpopulated place in the room.
DAVID
What’s up?
TESS
How are we going to tell him?
DAVID
You tell me. It was your idea.
TESS
I was thinking we can slip it into the conversation.
DAVID
Like how? “Dad, can you pass the butter and the man Tess was cheating with was a woman?”
TESS
We owe him the truth sooner or later.
DAVID
I vote for later as in the late David Addison, Sr.
TESS
David what an awful thing to say!
DAVID
What am I supposed to say!? This is your bed, but you’re forcing me to lie in it!
TESS
I’m not forcing you to do any...
(She turns and looks straight into the camera. The screen turns to home video quality)
What are they doing here? I told you this conversation was private!
DAVID
With that tone of voice?
TESS
(To Camera)
I don't want my life becoming a part of your television ratings.
(To David)
If Becky’s parent doesn’t know about us yet, the rest of the world shouldn't beat them to it. Can't you stop this?
DAVID
Even if I wanted to, I can’t. I can't stop this as much as I can’t stop this stupid dinner!
Tess turns on her heels and storms back to the table. David glares at the camera and begins walking back in a much slower pace.
The screen quality is back to normal and everyone is in the middle of laughing at David, Sr’s story.
TESS
What a funny story, Mr. Addison.
DAVID
You've heard it a million times.
TESS
It's still as good as I heard it the first time.
DAVID, SR.
Too bad your husband couldn't hear it for the first time.
TESS
Maybe next time.
DAVID
(To himself)
You mean next lifetime.
DAVID, SR.
Did you say something?
DAVID
I was just saying I can’t believe you still have this knack to embarrass me.
DAVID, SR.
That’s my job.
DAVID
And you do it very well.
MADDIE
I’ll say he is. I won’t be able to look at tube socks the same way ever again.
DAVID, SR.
This has been one of the most enjoyable dinners I’ve had in a long time.
DAVID
What? Stephanie hasn’t been feedin’ you...? or maybe she has .
He gives his father a smirk.
MADDIE
I think it deserves a toast.
DAVID
(Winks at Maddie)
I’ll say it does.
DAVID, SR.
So, what are we waiting for?
Everyone lifts their glasses.
REBECCA
Who’s going to do the honors?
DAVID
That would be me.
(Takes a deep breath)
Here’s to great food, great conversation and a great excuse to wine and dine three beautiful women...
(To David, Sr.)
You are payin’ for this right?
(He shares a laugh with his father. Maybe the last laugh he will hear from his dad after what he is about to say)
Here’s to my wife...
(Looks at Maddie)
my ex-wife...
(Looks at Tess)
and my ex-wife’s wife.
As David looks at Rebecca, she still shellshocked since he said, “my ex-wife.” David, Sr. is not too far behind in the confused department.
Home Video mode
REBECCA
(To Tess)
He was your husband?
DAVID, SR.
(To David - points to Rebecca)
She’s her wife?
(To Tess)
You have a wife?
(Tess slowly nods)
When did you make the switch? After the divorce?
DAVID
It came before, Dad.
DAVID, SR.
Before?
DAVID
When I told you Tess slept –
DAVID, SR.
With another man, I know.
DAVID
What you didn’t know was the man was really a woman.
REBECCA
(To Tess)
You never told me you were married... to a man.
DAVID
I see I’m not the only one who opened a Pandora’s Box tonight.
The pleasure and laughter, which dominated the evening, are taking a backseat to shocked looks and anxiety. With a numb look on his face, David’s father silently gets up and walks out.
REBECCA
(Getting up from her seat)
I need to go to the ladies’ room.
(Tess prepares to go with her; To Tess)
Alone.
Rebecca speeds up her stride toward the bathroom.
TESS
Becky, wait. I can explain!
Tess chases after Rebecca. David buries his face and his arms on the table. The camera pulls in for a close-up. Maddie strokes his back as she tries to console him. David turns his face to the side and faces the camera.
DAVID
(Sounding bitter)
I hope you got what you wanted.
Maddie and David wait for Brian to come back into the office.
DAVID
What am I gonna do, Maddie?
MADDIE
David –
DAVID
What am I gonna do? I called his hotel room all night, all morning and all throughout our cab ride down Fifth Avenue, which should have taken five minutes if that truck didn’t make alternate side of the street parking into a higher art during rush hour.
MADDIE
He’ll come around.
DAVID
Here? It’s a 30 to 1 long shot.
MADDIE
He needs more time.
DAVID
I’ll give him ‘til three, then I’m going over there to straighten this out.
MADDIE
David, how can you expect your father to talk to you about something you couldn’t tell him for more than 25 years?
They hear the door sweak open and Brian comes into the room.
BRIAN
Umm, Mr. Addison, Miss Hayes. Could you give me a few more minutes? I’m in the middle of getting more of the scoop on the case.
DAVID
You ain’t gettin’ any argument from us.
BRIAN
Thanks.
Brian closes the door behind him.
CAMERAMAN #2
Ahhh, damn.
Maddie and David turns their heads to see one of the cameramen checking his video equipment.
CAMERAMAN #2
(Blindly holds out his hand)
Gimmie another one.
PRODUCER
Another what?
CAMERAMAN #2
Battery. Another battery... you did bring it, didn’t you?
PRODUCER
You mean, the thing still sitting on the table in your hotel room?
CAMERAMAN #2
(Looks frustrated)
That’s exactly what I wanted you to bring.
PRODUCER
How was I supposed to know it was so important?
CAMERAMAN #2
Well, let me put it to you this way, without a battery, I have no power to work with. The camera stops working. Understand?
PRODUCER
This shouldn’t be a problem. Where the hell is –
CAMERAMAN #2
He went out to lunch. Remember?
PRODUCER
Oh, was that what he was saying? I was on the phone checking my messages.
(The cameraman looks increasingly irritated)
So, what are we supposed to do?
CAMERAMAN #2
Buy more batteries!
Both men start walking out. The producer sticks his head back in the room.
PRODUCER
Now don’t do anything worth shooting.
The producer laughs as he closes the door.
DAVID
I can think of someone worth shooting.
Maddie slams her purse down so hard it bounces off the desk. It also rattles the receiver off its cradle. A close-up shows the red light below the word, “Intercom” is on. David walks over to her and stands behind her.
DAVID
Maddie, don’t worry. We’ll figure all this out.
He starts to kiss her gently on the back of her neck.
MADDIE
(Disapproving tone)
David.
DAVID
What? I’m not doing anything.
(Continues kissing her)
I’ve been good.
MADDIE
Then what do you call this?
DAVID
I call this being naughty.
He dives into her shoulders and her upper back.
MADDIE
Will you stop?
DAVID
Will you relax? No one can see...
A few people stand around the reception desk. Listening to what is said through the speakerphone.
DAVID (O.S.)
... Or hear us.
MADDIE (O.S.)
David, we can’t have sex in here.
People are slowing their pace. Some are even making a u-turn towards the reception desk.
David and Maddie breathe harder and getting more into the mood.
DAVID
(Breathless)
Don’t need to.
MADDIE
(Breathless)
Don’t need to?
DAVID
(Husky and breathless)
Don’t need to.
The System’s, “Don’t Disturb This Groove,” starts playing in the background as David’s start to lightly trace Maddie’s neck with his tongue.
MADDIE
(Moans)
David.
DAVID
(Whispers)
Shhh... I’m working.
He slowly continues working as he caresses her arms, shoulders, stomach, thighs and all parts in between.
More than half the employees are speechless when they continue to hear heavy breathing, moaning and groaning from their new bosses.
A tight close-up slowly reveals David’s finger pressing down and unzipping Maddie’s dress. He stops at the small of her back. He beings to take his tongue for a slow trip back up to her neck. Maddie arches her back in response to her tingling sensation to his wet, sweet touch inching up her spine. He stops midway and takes his teeth the unhook her bra. While David’s hands roam freely, Maddie’s did as well.
Almost all the employees are spellbound at this passionate display they are fortunate enough to hear. Many are as breathless as the couple they are eavesdropping.
David goes for the finishing touch when he slides his body in front of Maddie and brings his head to her chest. He makes a trail of kisses up to her chin. He prepares to kiss her lips then retreats at the last moment. The music took an abrupt stop when Maddie opens her eyes. She lets sound come out of her sigh in reaction to this stimulating experience.
Everyone repeats the same sigh in unison.
David answers Maddie’s bewildered look by saying –
DAVID
You don’t want me to go too far, do you?
(His finger gently glides down her cheek)
It may lead to something you don't want me to get into.
Brian bursts in. Maddie hides under the desk.
BRIAN
Is everything okay?
DAVID
It was until you rushed in.
BRIAN
Everyone was hovering over at the reception area, I thought something was going on.
DAVID
What? Why would they do...
He looks down and sees the intercom light still lit. He takes a look outside the open door and sees people fanning themselves. He presses the button to make the light go away.
DAVID
Uhhh, there’s nothing to worry about.
He puts his head down to hide his smirk. He also puts his head down to see what Maddie is doing.
DAVID
Did you find that post-it yet?
MADDIE (O.S.)
(Under the table)
I think I see it, but I’m not sure.
She is feverishly putting her clothes back on.
DAVID
(Bends down)
Want me to help?
(Maddie pushes him back up; To Brian)
So, what’s the 411 on this bad boy?
BRIAN
Ahh, can Miss Hayes...
DAVID
She can hear us. Those ears can hear anything at, above or below sea level. Have you found the post-it or anything else worth grabbing onto?
(A loud thump followed by David shouting in pain made him move off the subject; To Brian)
Whatcha got?
PRODUCER (O.S.)
What is going on in here?
(He and the Cameraman walk through the door)
Didn’t I say don't do anything? Couldn't you have held on for a few minutes?
DAVID
She did.
Another thump under the desk sent him shouting again.
PRODUCER
Ten minutes. You couldn’t wait for ten lousy minutes!?
DAVID
However long those minutes were... they certainly weren’t lousy.
David quickly moves away from the desk outside of Maddie’s range. Now it's her turn to shout.
DAVID
(To Brian)
Now, let’s get back to the matter at hand.
DAVID, SR.
Yeah, let’s.
David looks up and sees his father walking through the door. The producer feverishly attempts to put the new battery into the camera.
PRODUCER
(To Cameraman)
How do you get this thing to fit?
(Still wrestling with it)
It doesn’t want me to go in the slot.
DAVID
There has been a lot of that lately.
He sharply looks down to see whether Maddie is ready to hit him again, but she’s not under the desk. He feels tapping on his right shoulder, he turns to see Maddie smile at him, then stomps her right foot on his left foot. He again shouts in pain.
DAVID, SR.
(To Maddie)
Give him another one for me.
DAVID
Dad, isn’t the statute of limitations for hitting your offspring ended the day I left home?
DAVID, SR.
What else am I gonna do? You made me look like a fool.
DAVID
(To Brian)
Maybe we shouldn't’ talk until there’s calm after the storm.
(Brian agrees and exits the office and closes the door behind him.; To his father)
Now, look Dad –
DAVID, SR.
No, you look. Why the hell didn’t you tell me she likes her own kind?
DAVID
How can I tell you? I couldn’t tell myself. I couldn’t tell anyone. What was I supposed to say? Not only did she betray me, she betrayed an entire gender?
DAVID, SR.
It would have been a start.
DAVID
Dad! What was I supposed to do!? I couldn’t convert her back to being who she was when we got married? Or maybe she was the same, and I didn’t know it. How was I supposed to know when I was checkin' out a cute brunette, the woman I was holding hands with may have been her other secret admirer...? It was extremely painful to go through that, Dad. It’s still painful for me to see Tess... even now. Even now with this woman by my side
(Looks at Maddie)
it still pains me to see her.
Maddie holds her husband’s hand and squeezes it.
MADDIE
I remember how painful it was for him too. I remember when he came out here from L.A. to attend her brother’s funeral.
DAVID, SR.
Jimmy?
MADDIE
Jimmy. Yeah, I think his name was Jimmy. Wasn't it David?
DAVID, SR.
You were at Jimmy’s funeral?
David’s father didn’t wait for the answer. He leaves the room. Maddie looks confused.
DAVID
I never told him about that either.
CAMERAMAN #2
(Finishes loading the battery into the camera)
Okay... I’m ready.
Everyone in the office looks annoyed as they turn away in any direction to avoid the camera. Brian comes back into the office.
BRIAN
Is everything okay, now?
MADDIE
(To Brian)
Everything is fine. You said you have some more news about the case?
BRIAN
Yes. I was getting a report from one of our detectives. She got in touch with the messenger who delivered the package in question. The guy said when he arrived at Green Whitman, didn't see a package on Rebecca’s desk.
(Maddie and David’s attention is now undivided)
He also said he the package was given to him.
DAVID
How did this happen?
MADDIE
Huh?
DAVID
Why did this happen?
MADDIE
David –
DAVID
I wish I never sat next to her on my front stoop when I was ten.
MADDIE
(Takes offense)
Thanks a lot.
DAVID
Your welcome.... Would you mind telling me what I just welcomed?
MADDIE
You wishing you never knew her.
DAVID
Yeah, and?
MADDIE
If you wished you never met Tess, it means you wished you never met me.
DAVID
Come again?
The slow Moonlighting theme fades up.
MADDIE
If you never met Tess –
DAVID
I’m with you so far.
MADDIE
If she hadn’t did what she did –
DAVID
Uh huh...
MADDIE
Would you have moved to L.A.? Would you have been a detective and opened up a lousy detective agency...? Would you have met me?
DAVID
But Maddie –
MADDIE
David, what she did was horrible... but it’s in the past... almost 30 years past. In my opinion, you picked yourself up, dusted yourself off, snagged another wife, two kids and a flourishing business along the way. In my opinion... you should thank her.
DAVID
Thank her?
MADDIE
For steering your life in the right direction.
They start to hug, but they are interrupted.
CAB DRIVER (O.S.)
Steerin’, eh? Could you steer this guy away from my head, or I’ma have ta charge you extra for this bozo blocking my line of vision.
One of the cameramen sticks his camera through the partition. It is making things very difficult for the cab driver to pay attention to the road. Maddie and David slumps in their back seats in frustration.
When David and Maddie enter her office, they find Rebecca in the middle of packing the rest of her belongings into a box before she leaves the job for good.
DAVID
Spring cleaning in the fall?
REBECCA
I wish.
DAVID
So... how are you feeling?
REBECCA
Well, I’m not worried. I’ll get another job in no time.
DAVID
That’s not what I was referring to... even though this is bad too, but... anyway... how are you holding up? You know... with what happened last night.
Home Video mode
REBECCA
We talked about it, but I still can’t believe she didn’t tell me.... Look , I know she had a past... we all have pasts... but this...? I could have understood if she was with another woman, but another man...?
(Looks at David)
Oh, no offense.
DAVID
None taken.
REBECCA
I don’t know if I can deal with this.
DAVID
Hey, for what it’s worth, I understand how you feel... sort of... But you have nothing to worry about.
REBECCA
Nothing to worry about? What if she still wants you back?
DAVID
Wants me back? She’s the one who cheated on me... with a woman. I doubt after all this time, she’s gonna swing back the other way... and even if she did
(To himself)
miracle of miracles...
(To Rebecca)
I wouldn’t want her back.
REBECCA
You wouldn’t want her back?
(He shakes his head no)
How can you not? She’s sweet, intelligent, talented, terrific in bed...
DAVID
Well, I do remember she used to –
MADDIE
David.
Normal Video mode
DAVID
The point is, she loves you. I can see it when she looks at you. I know ‘cuz it’s the same look I give to this lady over here each and every day.
He puts his arm around Maddie’s waist.
MADDIE
(Melts in appreciation)
Oh, David.
REBECCA
(Melts in appreciation)
Oh, David.
DAVID
Now getting to the reason we actually came, we were wondering if the merger went through as planned, who do you think would find out that they no longer have to set their alarm clock?
REBECCA
Well, I haven’t had my mind on anything other than getting the Lexus account.
MADDIE
That's what the person in question was counting on.
REBECCA
Excuse me?
MADDIE
We have been able to take a look at some of the documents which outline the nature of the pending merger.
DAVID
It also recommended certain positions and certain departments to be phased out once the merger is final.
REBECCA
I have been hearing some rumblings about some of the suits may get relocated or downsized. But, I dismissed them as rumors.
DAVID
It pays to stand around the water cooler once in a while, which ain’t a bad idea since I have this need to quench my thirst.
(To Rebecca)
You want some?
(She shakes her head no)
Maddie?
(She does the same)
Fine, have it your way. You don’t know what you're missing.
David walks over to the water cooler. Another guy walks over from another section of the office and stands beside David. The guy looks over to Rebecca and shakes his head in disbelief.
CO-WORKER
I never thought this would happen to her.
DAVID
(Not looking)
Happen to who?
Home Video mode
David looks up and sees the guy apprehensively looks into the camera.
DAVID
Don't worry. He doesn't bite. Now, who did you say this would never happen to?
CO-WORKER
Rebecca... nobody did. She’s one of the best art directors in the business. She won two Cilos last year. We all felt it was a cinch when she was chosen to create the Lexus campaign... especially when she had extra help to complete everything two days early.
DAVID
Whoa, whoa, press repeat on the CD player. What extra help?
CO-WORKER
When Rebecca had to tend to her emergency, Julie’s husband, Nick, helped beat the deadline for her. He checked her files, collected the disks and sent them on their way to Lexus.
DAVID
But, Julie said there was no one else around here that night.
CO-WORKER
There wouldn’t have been, but I had a deadline of my own. I needed to finish copy for a new cable channel, P.I.TV. You heard of them?
DAVID
(Rolls his eyes)
Vaguely.
CO-WORKER
Anyway, I was taking a break, walked over here to get some water and I saw him.
David noticed the water cooler is placed at a weird angle. He is able to see through Rebecca’s glass walls, but she’s not able to see him.
CO-WORKER
And thank God Nick knows a lot about computers. I guess comparing a rinky dink network computer with all the computers he had to deal with as chief engineer at Bolster.com, it was a piece of cake for him to fix. It’s a shame that company had to fold...
David starts walking back to Rebecca’s office, so does the camera. The screen swings its focus off the guy and it slowly marches back to Rebecca's office.
CO-WORKER (O.S.)
I used to get those great deals at half price...
Normal Video mode
David walks in when some people give Rebecca a good bye hug. It was Nick’s turn. When he finished his hug, David starts to move in.
DAVID
Just the man I want to see. Now you told Julie you saw the package on Rebecca’s desk that night.
NICK
Yeah, so?
DAVID
Was her computer on?
NICK
What?
DAVID
It should be an easy question to ask a former chief engineer who was bounced from Silicon Alley.
MADDIE
David? What are you talking about?
DAVID
She was rushing out of her office filled with panic. Her little girl in E.R. She could have left her computer on, right? That’s how she saw it when she arrived the following day.
NICK
I don’t know. You seem to be the one with all the answers.
DAVID
Okay, Alex Trebek. We’ll do it your way. You shout out the questions. Let’s start with, you broke into Rebecca’s computer, erased her files and trashed the ones she saved in the network.
NICK
Are you crazy?
DAVID
Wrong. You lose 200. It’s, “After breaking the code to her password, what did you do next?”
MADDIE
(Figuring out where David is going with this)
Your wife was going to get fired after the merger.
NICK
What's the meaning of this?
DAVID
Ooooh, you pressed the buzzer too soon. The correct question is, “Why were you so desperate to railroad Rebecca?”
NICK
This is insane!
DAVID
I’m sorry, Nicky. We have to take points off your score. You didn't form your answer into a question.
Nick attempts to walk out, but he runs into the same messenger at the door. The guy gives Nick a smile.
MESSENGER
Takin’ off early, huh?
NICK
Huh?
MESSENGER
You’re not working as late as you did the other night. Thank God! It was murder getting past security at Harper’s. I was so happy your package was the last on my list. I couldn't wait to get home.
JULIE
You sent that package, Nick?
DAVID
She’s got the Daily Double!
NICK
What was I supposed to do? Stand by and let them take your job and give it to her?
(Pointing at Rebecca)
Honey, this job is all we have left to pay for our house. Our dream house we bought in the Hamptons when my stock options were still worth millions. When we still had something to look forward to. I figured if I can put a monkey wrench into the merger... and get rid of your potential successor... it’ll buy me more time to get a better position at another hi-tech company.
DAVID
I can't think of a better position than to ruin your creditability based on a rumor.
Nick decides this is a good time to run. David and Maddie chase after him. The Hall and Oates song, "Private Eyes" is back for the whole duration of this chase sequence. Nick runs into the Art Department. They continue to follow, until they are hit with several heavy Illustration and Photography reference books. They take cover under one of the tables. One of the camera men finds a table to hide under and starts running to it.
Home Video mode
As a result, the picture bounces up and down. The camera falls on its side, then the picture goes out of focus because he camera man gets hit by an unmarked book. He falls to the floor.
Normal Video mode
DAVID
One down, one to go.
MADDIE
David look.
David races over to Nick preventing him from leaving the room. David punches him in the stomach and his chest. It makes Nick double over. It also makes him see a weapon he can use. He whips out a steel, foot-long ruler with a t-square at the end. He narrowly catches David sleeping. Maddie finds some steel triangles on one of the illustrator’s desks. She flicks it at Nick like a frisbee. He ducks.
David grabs the t-square end of the ruler and starts pulling to disarm Nick. It begins a tug-of-war struggle. Without warning, Nick lets go. The momentum carries David backward and wipes out Maddie. She lets out a weak throw of another triangle as a result of David barreling into her. Maddie scrambles to her feet and pushes the second camera man out of her face and continues to run out of the room to go after Nick. David vigorously shakes his head to get the blood rushing back into his brain. He sees his wife running. David gets up, pushes the camera man out of his way and joins the chase.
David runs into a dark room. He doesn’t know where he is. He can hear muffled voices to his left. He tries to feel his way around. He trips on something and falls to the ground. A light shines in his face... it’s one of the camera men.
DAVID
Are you related to the Energizer bunny or something?
He hears a loud crash, the light shines on Nick crouching behind one of the boxes. David lounges after him before Nick can escape.
A presentation is in progress. A Powerpoint generated slide show entertains six marketing executives. The projector screen covers from top to the bottom of the opposite wall. The presenter pitches a new ad campaign for a sports drink that will compete with Gatorade.
David turns Nick around punches him in the mouth. Nick stumbles a few steps then swings his left hand to David’s right side of his face. David's next attempt misses and Nick catch him in the groin. David drops to his knees.
Home Video mode
Nick pounds both fists into David’s back and sends him to the floor head first. David feels a long metal object near him. He grabs it and strikes Nick in the back making him fall to the floor. But, Nick doesn't give up trying to get away and reaches over to the other side of the room.
Normal Video mode
Grimacing through the lingering pain, David has only one thing on his mind... not letting Nick get away.
DAVID
(Mumbles)
Where the hell is Maddie?
CAMERAMAN #2
She took a wrong turn through the copy room.
DAVID
(Half hearted)
Thanks.
CAMERAMAN #2
Don’t mention it.
David runs out of the room. He can see Nick try to find the right way to get out, but is more frantic when he sees David illuminated by the light.
DAVID
(To Camera man)
You’re taking away my element of surprise here.
CAMERAMAN #2
The light ain’t coming from me.
David looks to his left and sees light coming through the wall. David puts his attention back on Nick and chases him around the room. David grabs him from the side as they struggle once more. The sound of the sports drink presentation is much louder.
The slides continue to roll, but some of the executives looks around to see where the loud bumping and crashing sounds are coming from. In the next few seconds, they see two silhouettes choking each other as they move from left to right. The presenter doesn’t know what is going on.
As David and Nick continue to choke each other, they don’t realize the glow from the left side of the room is a projector (movie) shade, not a solid wall.
The presenter tries to ignore the disruption by not stopping his pitch.
PRESENTER
Gentlemen... and lady... I guarantee this campaign will convince the weekend athlete to the seasoned pro that this drink will replenish their thirst and their electrolites at the same time. Mark my words, this drink will spring any warrior back to life.
At that moment, the shade rips forward. David and Nick tumble to the floor. This terrifies the presenter and the rest of the executives as they spring out of their chairs and pin their backs to the wall. Nick gets up on his feet, but David wraps his arms around his ankles. Nick falls to the floor. He takes his right leg and kicks David in his face. The impact forces David to loosen his grip on Nick. Nick is now free to run out the room. David gets up and begins to run after him, but stops and opens one of the sports drinks on the conference table. He takes a few sips.
DAVID
Tart yet smooth. I’d buy it.
He proceeds on his pursuit of Nick and runs out the room.
This particular hallway connects to the section where the company stores all of their ad commercials.
SUPERVISOR
Get me all these tapes.
(He gives the young man a list)
I need to review them before I ship them to all the networks.
The young man goes into an adjacent room to retrieve the tapes.
Maddie finally knows which direction David and Nick are going, thanks to the cameraman who went back to get her. She is dumfounded while walking through the ripped projector screen. She looks all over the room for David. Everyone else guides Maddie by pointing to the door.
MADDIE
(Sheepishly)
Thank you.
She runs out the room. A moment later, the camera follows.
Home Video mode
Through the camera’s point-of-view, the screen jiggles its way though the projector screen, snatches one of the drinks, and jogs out the room.
Normal Screen quality
The young guy emerges from one of the offices holding a stack of tapes. Nick runs full speed and knocks the guy and the tapes to the floor. Nick doesn’t stop speeding through the hallway.
A janitor buffs a freshly waxed floor. All of the chairs and desks are on opposite sides of the room. The chairs are piled on top of the desks.
The guy gets himself together and picks up a few tapes as David rushes past him. The guy falls as he barely avoids full impact with David.
Nick suddenly bursts in at full speed and starts sliding to the other side of the room. Seconds later, David does the same thing.
Maddie runs through the hall and the guy prepares himself and avoids bumping into her completely without dropping the tapes. Maddie rushes past him and he has a proud look on his face. He takes a step, turns around and sees his supervisor.
SUPERVISOR
What's taking you so long! I told you to get those tapes minutes ago! What the hell are you –
He stops his angry tirade as the cameraman staggers through the hallway out of breath. He stops. The screen turns home video mode and turns on its side. The supervisor and the young guy are shown on a 90 degree angle with confused looks on their faces. The sound of heavy breathing is still evident.
CAMERAMAN #1 (O.S.)
There you are! I was searching all over the place. It’s nice to know you stood by me after I was konked in the head from that kook.
Heavy breathing is still heard. The two people within camera range still have strange looks on their faces.
CAMERAMAN #1 (O.S.)
For the sake of the show, I’m gonna take over for you.
A hand moves across the screen, and the camera turns right side up
Normal Video mode
The other camera man runs through the hallway.
David and Nick continue to slip and slide while attempting to kick and punch each other. It’s as if they are sliding on an ice skating rink. Once they are both in close proximity, one will throw a punch and sail pass the other without connecting. Maddie finally catches up to them. She enters the room then slides into one of the desks. She is a few feet away from Nick. David fears Nick will hurt her and moves over to her, but he falls in the middle of the room. Nick, seeing an opportunity, is carefully walking over to Maddie.
She looks up and sees one of the chairs. Maddie slowly gets up off the floor and reaches for the chair. Nick advances on Maddie. David still tries to get up, but he keeps falling down. Maddie grabs hold of a chair and hurls it at Nick. She catches Nick off guard. He catches the chair, but the momentum sends Nick flying passed David and near the exit door. David finally is able to get close to Maddie.
DAVID
Maddie, are you all right?
MADDIE
Forget about me, get him before he slips out the door.
DAVID
Your choice of words is uncanny.
He begins going after Nick. David is too far away to stop him from walking out the door. Nick opens it, then runs into one of the camera men. He falls to the floor then slides a little before he grabs hold of one of the desks near by.
DAVID
We can't go after him right now...
Nick has shaken the desk so hard the movement jars some of the chairs loose. They fall. The chairs pin him to the floor. The camera man carefully slids over to Nick and focuses his lens on him.
DAVID
He’s too busy smiling for Candid Camera.
Maddie, David and Rebecca enter the office. Brian walks over to them. Maddie and David move slowly to spare their bruised bodies.
BRIAN
Wow! I heard you guys had a wild time.
DAVID
You can break out the popcorn if you want. It’s all on videotape.
David glares over to the two camera men who are still filming them.
VOICE (O.S.)
Took forever for you to show up.
David’s father walks out of Brian’s office.
DAVID
I’ll tell the next criminal we chase to make it snappy and surrender before my old man calls me home for dinner.
DAVID, SR.
I know... I know. I overreacted. I still say you should have told me... but I understand why you didn’t.
DAVID
Dad, now that you know what you know, I hope you don’t think of Tess any differently.
DAVID, SR.
The walkin’ out of the restaurant bit was not what you think it was. Sure, I was shocked with what I found out. But I was also shaken to see I’m still not able to share anything important, good or bad, in my son’s life.
DAVID
Dad, it’s not as though I do it on purpose.... However... I can make a better effort. Besides, my kids need another Grandparent to increase their moola in their piggy banks.
TESS (O.S.)
Becky!
Everyone turns around to see Tess run to Rebecca and gives her a big hug. Tess goes over to Maddie and gives her a hug, then she walks toward David.
TESS
Thanks for helping us out.
DAVID
It’s all in a day’s work.
David hesitates. He tries to fight his feelings, but he finds it in himself to walk over and hug Tess.
DAVID
(In Tess’ ear)
Thanks for helping us out, too.... We both know Dad didn’t come around on his own.
When he finishes hugging her, he looks into the camera.
DAVID
Did you catch it? We’re you able to put it on your real to reel?
Home video mode - the camera bobs up and down
Back to Normal Video mode
DAVID
Good ‘cuz it’s the last scene you’ll squeeze out of me if you don’t cut out the little family get together last night.
PRODUCER
(Walking to David)
Is that so? Let's see if the legal department will agree with you.
He whips out his cell phone and starts dialing.
DAVID
You do that, but remember this. Remember Helen Cartwright? Our friend from D.C.? Well, I gave her a call not too long ago to check how the owners of P.I.TV happen to get their hands on a TV license...
(Fear shows up on the producer’s face)
I’ll give you a clue. Heidi Fliess has nothing on this brothel near the beltway.
PRODUCER
Ahh, umm... I must have the wrong number.
DAVID
(Playful tone)
Aww, doggone it. I hate when that happens.
(Puts his arm around Maddie’s shoulders - faces Maddie)
Don’t you, Maddie?
She smiles and nods her head in agreement.
David is driving.
MADDIE
I think our cross-country trip is a success. Don’t you agree?
DAVID
I agree.
MADDIE
Wow. It took us forever for us to say what we just said.
DAVID
Was it worth the wait?
Maddie’s cell phone rings. She takes it out of her purse and puts it to her ear.
MADDIE
Terri! Hi...! I’m great. Wait a second. Let me put you on speaker.
She puts the cell phone in the compartment between the passenger and driver’s seats. She pushes some buttons to transform the cell phone into a speaker phone.
DAVID
Hey Terri!
TERRI (O.S.)
Did you two conquer the east coast?
DAVID
We, we did our share. We definitely gave our New York office a nice present.
MADDIE
(Puzzled)
What present?
DAVID
You don’t wanna know.
(To phone)
Did our little bundles of joy give you more reasons to raid your medicine cabinet?
TERRI (O.S.)
They've behaved themselves for the most part. They’ll be fed and dressed when they see you pull up in front of the house. Did you get on the plane yet?
MADDIE
Plane?
TERRI (O.S.)
Yeah, you're heading home, right?
DAVID
Well, we are heading eest at 70 –
MADDIE
80 -
DAVID
Okay, 80 miles per hour.
MADDIE
Yes. We’re coming home...
DAVID
Eventually.
TERRI (O.S.)
What happened? Is anything wrong?
MADDIE
No, no. We’ve decided to stay out here for a few more days... if it’s all right with you?
TERRI (O.S.)
Why would it not be all right?
DAVID
‘Cuz we don’t want you to start using any hair coloring products before you need to.
TERRI (O.S.)
Guys, it’s fine. Really.
MADDIE
We just know how demanding those two can be. Send them our love. We’ll call them when we get to our destination.
TERRI (O.S.)
Oh, where are you going?
MADDIE
Where are we going?
DAVID
We’re driving to somebody’s house, for no particular reason. We're gonna ring the doorbell, then wait for the door to open and say...
The door opens.
MADDIE
Hi Dad.
DAVID
Hi Dad.