EPISODE 5: SANTA NEEDS A BRAND NEW PLAN
WRITTEN BY: Christie Taylor
TV RATING: PG-13
THEME MUSIC AND OPENING CREDITS
ACT ONE
FADE IN:
INT. - ENTERTAINMENT ROOM (DEN) - EARLY AFTERNOON
The camera pans from the Brown Lay-Z boy chair filled with records
to a record player a few feet away. The room is surrounded with
DVD's, CD's, Records, Videotapes, Game Boy cartridges, Playstation
cartridges and machines to put all these said items in. It's a
comfortable room for family entertainment. A close-up shows the
needle from the turntable dropping. The quaint, unmistakable piano
chords from Vince Guaraldi's, "Christmas Time Is Here" is heard.
Extra voices are singing along with the usual voices of children
on the record. The voices are much louder and clearer. The camera
is fixed on "A Charlie Brown Christmas" album spinning on the
turntable.
VOICES (Off Screen)
(Singing)
Christmas time is here
Happiness and cheer
Fun for all
That children call
Their favorite time of year.
Snowflakes in the air
Caroles everywh...
A small hand snatches the needle back. This makes a loud screeching
sound.
ASHLEY (Off Screen)
Someone is flat!
LITTLE DAVID
The only thing flat is your head. Put the record back on!
ASHLEY
I'm trying to help. I'm making it my sisterly duty to help you
not make a fool of yourself as Charlie Brown.
LITTLE DAVID
Why? You can't stop making a fool of yourself as Ashley Addison.
ASHLEY
My, my, my. (Looks at the clock on the opposite wall) It's not
one o'clock yet and the baby is already getting cranky.
LITTLE DAVID
Just put the record back on.
Ashley walks over to the turntable and puts the needle back on
the record.
LITTLE DAVID
If I had anything to do with casting, you would've no problem
landing the Lucy role . . . I live with the character everyday.
ASHLEY
You know . . . that's the sweetest thing you've ever said to .
. . hey!!
The music is skipping and Ashley gets aggravated.
ASHLEY
Why are we using this old thing anyway? Why can't we use the CD?
DAVID
(Walks in the room)
Ask the person who played then broke my CD player when I specifically
told him not to.
LITTLE DAVID
Dad, I said I was sorry. I didn't mean to break it.
DAVID
I'm sure you won't mind me taking three weeks worth of your allowance
to pay for what you didn't mean to break. C'mon . . . it's time
to go.
ASHLEY
But Daddy, we haven't practiced long enough . . . (David simply
gives Ashley a no-nonsense look) Give me a second to turn everything
off.
CUT TO:
INT. - BLUE MOON HEADQUARTER OFFICE - CONTINUOUS
Bert walks over to Agnes.
BERT
You heard, right?
AGNES
Heard, what?
BERT
The rumor. The rumor about Mr. Addison and Miss Hayes.
AGNES
The one about letting someone take over the day-to-day duties
around here?
BERT
Yeah, who's it gonna be?
AGNES
I don't know.
BERT
You don't know? You have to know. You know everything that goes on in this office.
AGNES
I know everything except who Miss Hayes and Mr. Addison is going
to pick.
BERT
Well, I know –
AGNES
Then why did you ask?
BERT
Wait you didn't let me finish. I was going to say I know who I'd
pick as their successor.
AGNES
Well, whoever it is won't be succeeding anything. They'll only
be here on a daily basis while Miss Hayes and Mr. Addison leave
the office in that person's hands on a semi-permanent basis. (Bert
stares at her) Okay, who do you think will be their successor?
BERT
Me.
JAMIE
(Walks by - Sarcastically)
That's a shock.
BERT
Don't get jealous.
JAMIE
Jealous? Everybody knows what happened the last time you took
over.
Everyone in the office, including Agnes, knowingly nods their
heads over at Bert and says, "Mmm hmm," then turns away to go
back to their business.
BERT
But that was then. I've changed. I've loosened up . . . honest.
I was even thinking off not forbidding everyone's internet access.
JAMIE
(Rolls her eyes as she walks away)
Where's MacGillicudy when you need him?
CUT TO:
INT. - INSIDE MERCEDES - CONTINUOUS
Maddie is driving. Ashley and little David sit in the backseat.
DAVID
So, which contestant did you choose?
MADDIE
Choose?. . . Contestants?
DAVID
For the 1st annual Blue Moon pageant. The winner gets a corner
office, a reserved parking space closer to the elevator, and take
over the helm from us burnt out individuals.
MADDIE
Oh, those contestants.
DAVID
So . . . Who's it gonna be?
MADDIE
I don't know, David. I've had my mind centered on getting our
taxes in order.
DAVID
We've agreed it comes down to two people.
MADDIE
Agreed.
DAVID
We've agreed whoever we agreed upon will be announced at the office
party.
MADDIE
Agreed.
DAVID
The only thing we haven't agreed upon is the person who's responsible
for us agreeing.
MADDIE
I agree.
DAVID
So, who's it gonna be?
MADDIE
I don't know.
CUT TO:
INT. - BLUE MOON HEADQUARTERS OFFICE - CONTINUOUS
AGNES
Aren't you going to tell me why you think you're getting the job?
BERT
Are you doubting me?
AGNES
No . . . I just asked a question.
BERT
Which states the perception of you doubting me.
AGNES
Herbert! Could you move this along? The party's going to start
at any minute.
BERT
Okay, okay . . . how can I put this . . .
The music to "12 Days of Christmas" begins to play.
BERT
(Sings)
Here's the first reason I think the job is made for me.
I have a knack for bureaucracy.
The second reason I think the job is made for me.
Never takes sick days.
And a knack for bureaucracy.
The third reason I think the job is made for me.
Writes perfect grammar.
Never takes sick days.
And a knack for bureaucracy.
Now the fourth reason I think the job is made for me.
I take fewer naps.
Writes perfect grammar.
Never takes sick days.
And a knack for bureaucracy...
CUT TO:
INT. - INSIDE MERCEDES - CONTINUOUS
DAVID
Will you just give me an answer? We have three lights to go until
we have to break the news.
MADDIE
Don't rush me.
DAVID
Then stop driving so fast.
MADDIE
What if I pullover?
DAVID
What good would that do?
MADDIE
It'll help us avoid an accident waiting to happen.
DAVID
Is that your subtle way of heading off another one of our disagreements?
An ear shattering sound of cars crashing surprises everyone.
ASHLEY
It was Mom's way of avoiding an accident that couldn't wait any
longer.
DAVID
I think the smoke and the twisted metal said it better, sweet
pea.
LITTLE DAVID
So, what do we do now?
DAVID
Other then buying time for your mom to make-up her mind, we wait.
MADDIE
While we're waiting, Davey I want to hear about your part in the
school play.
ASHLEY
What's to tell? He's Charlie Brown. Everybody knows who Charlie
Brown is.
LITTLE DAVID
And everybody will know it was me playing Charlie Brown. But nobody
will know you're playing Lucy because, Michelle got it.
DAVID
What happened?
ASHLEY
They said I wasn't mean enough.
LITTLE DAVID
Where did they get that idea?
ASHLEY
The same people who wanted you as Charlie Brown.
LITTLE DAVID
When will we be moving?
MADDIE
Tomorrow. Tomorrow will be the time we finally get to the office.
DAVID
The guy laying motionless on the freeway with blood coming out
of his head feels real guilty about our inconvenience.
MADDIE
I didn't mean it like that. It's just . . .
DAVID
It's just what? What are you rushing to? You think by setting
foot inside the office there will be a long awaited vision of
insight . . . oh, I'm sorry I forgot. You still don't believe
in that sort of thing. . . . Let's see uhhh . . . a long awaited
carefully planned, poked, prodded, yet poorly timed decision will
finally tumble out of your noggin and out of your mouth?
MADDIE
How did you remember all that?
DAVID
How come you can't decide on one simple decision?
MADDIE
This one simple decision will change our lives.
DAVID
Wasn't it the idea?
MADDIE
Let's not do this.
DAVID
Do what?
MADDIE
Do this. If we cut down on some of our extra activities, we can
avoid all this.
DAVID
We have cut down on some of our extra activities. That's why we can't avoid all this.
MADDIE
(Realizing what he said)
Oh, that's right.
DAVID
(Mocking)
Yeah, that's right.
CUT TO:
The backseat.
ASHLEY
(To little David)
What are they talking about?
LITTLE DAVID
Something we're not supposed to know, otherwise they wouldn't
bother using their adult code.
ASHLEY
Adult code?
LITTLE DAVID
Adult code.
ASHLEY
It's like what we use when we don't want them in our business.
LITTLE DAVID
Shhhh.
CUT TO:
Front seat.
DAVID
(Whispers to Maddie)
Listen to them. They act like they invented the rules of espionage.
(Maddie takes her phone out of her purse) What are you doing?
MADDIE
Calling the office. What do you think?
DAVID
I think you don't need to. (Taking the phone away)
MADDIE
What are you doing?
DAVID
Maddie, it's an office party. You act like, they can't entertain
themselves.
CUT TO:
INT. - BLUE MOON HEADQUARTERS OFFICE - CONTINUOUS
Bert continues to sing. He's up to the ninth reason. The music
to "12 Days of Christmas" continues along with him. Everybody
stands around, including Agnes, and they are bored out of their
minds.
BERT
(Sings)
Obeys every fire drill
Meets every dress code...
AGNES
(Sings - unenthusiastic)
Even dress down Fridays...
BERT
(Sings)
Asks for extra case work
Solves half my cases
(Sings rapidly - equivalent to the 5th day) Leaves the company car in good shape even after a high speed chase.
(Sings back to normal) Taking fewer naps
Writes perfect grammar
Never takes sick days
And has a knack for bureaucracy.
Here's the tenth reason...
CUT TO:
INT. - INSIDE MERCEDES - CONTINUOUS
LITTLE DAVID
Are we ever going to move?
MADDIE
When the paramedics finds a way to climb over our cars, take the
guy to the hospital, then turns around, climb over us again to
go to the other way.
ASHLEY
Why can they climb on one of those news helicopters, put the guy
on a stretcher, raise him on the chopper and fly him to the nearest
hospital.
DAVID
From your mouth to Channel 5's ears.
ASHLEY
As long as I get to see Santa again at the party, I'm not worried.
LITTLE DAVID
Is anyone getting this on tape?
MADDIE
Leave your sister alone.
LITTLE DAVID
But she acts like Santa comes all the way from the North Pole
just to see her.
ASHLEY
Don't playa hate.
DAVID
(Answers Maddie's confused look)
It means don't get jealous.
LITTLE DAVID
There's nothing to be jealous about.
ASHLEY
Yes, there is.
LITTLE DAVID
No, there isn't.
ASHLEY
Yes, there is.
LITTLE DAVID
No, there isn't.
ASHLEY
Why didn't he get you Playstation 2? You were begging so hard
for it.
DAVID
'Cuz Santa saw the "D" he got in Social Studies.
LITTLE DAVID
(To Ashley)
But I got it on my birthday.
DAVID
'Cuz your mom and I saw the "A" you got in Social Studies six
months later.
CUT TO:
INT. - BLUE MOON HEADQUARTERS OFFICE - CONTINUOUS
Everybody takes turns as they very unenthusiastically sing Bert's
song . They reach the final 12th reason he thinks he will get
the job. The music continues.
O'NEIL
Subordinates will love him.
SIMMONS
Sweats all the details.
KRISTINE
Knows C. P. R.
INEZ
Obeys every fire drill.
JAMIE
Meets every dress code...
AGNES
Even dress down Fridays...
BERT
(Only one who's excited to sing)
Asks for extra case work.
JAMIE
Solves half his cases.
AGNES
(Sings - equivalent to the 5th day) Will this be over soon?
You don't have to try
To con-vince
Us. You'll get the job.
BERT
I had to get this off my chest.
Everyone else looks relieved now that the song is done. They all
go back to make the finishing touches on the Christmas decorations.
AGNES
Herbert Quinten Viola, I hope it made you feel better because
we're not going through this again . . . (Walks away then turn
around to face Bert) . . . ever. (Turns back around and walks
over to Jamie to help her set up the food)
CUT TO:
EXT. - IN THE MIDDLE OF THE FREEWAY - CONTINUOUS
Several good samaritans help the paramedics as they try to free
the second guy from the twisted metal of what was a 2000 model
Ferrari.
CUT TO:
INT. - INSIDE MERCEDES - CONTINUOUS
DAVID
Do you think they'll be able to take all that metal off his chest?
MADDIE
It won't matter if any of them doesn't know C. P. R.
DISSOLVE TO:
INT. - BLUE MOON HEADQUARTERS OFFICE - AN HOUR LATER
Agnes continues to help Jamie with the food. They are in a middle
of taking a break.
AGNES
Where's Miss Hayes and Mr. Addison?
She looks around the room.
O'NEIL (Off Screen)
Okay, people. Final call . . .
Agnes and Jamie turn their heads to see O'neil writing something
on a pad.
O'NEIL
Which one will nab the promotion?
AGNES
There's an office pool on who will get the job?
JAMIE
Yeah, you didn't know? (Leans closer to Agnes) You're ahead by
3 to 1.
AGNES
Where on earth is Miss Hayes and Mr. Addison?
JAMIE
Actually, the odds are 10 to 1. (Agnes stares at her) Bert was
standing near by. I didn't want to hurt his feelings.
AGNES
Is Bert that unbearable?
JAMIE
Not as a private eye . . . but as a boss?. . . (She shakes her
head to express her displeasure) But you . . .
AGNES
Oh, no. Not me.
JAMIE
Why not you? You've been here longer than anyone else. You know
everything that goes on around here. You can't be a secretary
all your life.
AGNES
Administrative Assistant.
JAMIE
Agnes. You'd be the perfect boss.
AGNES
I don't know . . . (Turns to O'Neil) O'Neil, where's the report
on the Williamson case? Mr. Addison told you to bring it to me
today.
People are crowding around O'Neil to get their final bets.
O'NEIL
I'll get it, Agnes. In a minute.
AGNES
It'll be better if I can get it in my hands now.
O'NEIL
(To Crowd)
Sorry, folks. I gotta move.
People started to move away while O'Neil goes into his office.
AGNES
Oh, and Simmons . . . Kristine . . . (They turn toward Agnes)
Help set things up in the day care center. Inez may need some
help with some of the equipment.
SIMMONS
Right, Agnes.
KRISTINE
Sure thing, Agnes.
They go to the back end of the office (where the conference room,
etc is located).
JAMIE
Now tell me Bert can do it better.
DAVID (Off Screen)
Deck the halls
There's no work to-day
Fa, la, la, la, la . . . la, la, la, la
We saw a car wreck
on the freeway
Fa, la, la, la, la . . . la, la, la, laaaaaa!
AGNES
(Relieved)
Miss Hayes . . . Mr. Addison.
DAVID
Hola. Hombres and hombrettes! Feliz Navidad . . . and all that
good stuff . . .
He latches on to Maddie's left arm and pulls her as they walk
to her office.
DAVID
Maddie, we need to talk . . .
AGNES
Mr. Addison?
DAVID
(Stops in his tracks and turns around)
Yes, Agnes?
AGNES
Was anyone hurt?
DAVID
Anyone hurt? . . . Who?
AGNES
The ones in the car wreck.
DAVID
Oh!. . . Yes . . . the car wreck. They're fine. They're getting
a police escort to the hospital as we speak. (To his kids) Ash
. . . Davey, help set up the festivities and Agnes, hold all of
our calls until 2002.
David leads Maddie to her office.
CUT TO:
INT. - MADDIE' OFFICE - CONTINUOUS
DAVID
Who?
MADDIE
Who what?
The music for Diana Ross and the Supremes version of "My Favorite
Things," starts to play.
DAVID
(Sings)
Who do you think will fit our job description?
MADDIE
(Sings)
I haven't thought much about the position.
DAVID
One simple choice. How hard can this be?
MADDIE
You're wasting time. You're not guilt tripping me.
DAVID
Why can't we just talk about this decision?
MADDIE
Why can't we talk about our son's play -
DAVID
(Cuts her off)
Listen, these kids are under too much stress these days.
Their school treats this like they're starring on Broadway.
MADDIE DAVID
(Sings in melody) (Sings in countermelody)
We have many things Agnes and Bert
we need to uncover are the ones to
consider.
Like who's picking our tree? I have picked who
You or your brother? will be our babysitter.
Please tell me now.
Tell me please loud and clear.
MADDIE DAVID
I can't miss the best thought But I won't disclose
you've had all year 'cuz you don't seem
to care.
MADDIE
(Sings with anger)
What did you say?
DAVID
You know damn straight
What I implied.
MADDIE
it's unfair to stand there and just criticize
I tried, but I still can't . . . deee - ciiiiide.
MADDIE
If Agnes was here she'd know what to do.
DAVID
Will she like the new office that's closer to you?
MADDIE
You picked Agnes?
DAVID
Yeah, she can't miss.
MADDIE
Then we both agree.
DAVID
We, yesiree,
We have came to agree
That yes, Agnes is our chooooiice.
The music ends.
MADDIE
Okay. We've decided . . . (Looks uneasy) . . . it's been decided
. . . it's Agnes . . . Agnes will take over. Should we call her
in?
DAVID
Uh uh, I have a better idea.
MADDIE
Why does my hair stand on end everytime you say that?
DAVID
I'll talk to Jamie.
MADDIE
Jamie? What about Bert?
DAVID
Well . . . he's going to be too busy putting on a good show in
the day care center.
MADDIE
I have a feeling he'll put on a good show in the rest of the office
when he hears the news.
DAVID
Don't worry about it. I'll tell him what an unbelievable position
he has sleeping with the boss.
MADDIE
Do tell.
DAVID
I'll clue him in on my first hand experience. I'll even tell him
where his second hand should be.
MADDIE
You are such a giver.
DAVID
Well . . . (Walks over to her) It's better to give . . . (Kisses
her) than to receive. (Turns and begins to walk to the door)
MADDIE
Wait. What if Agnes refuse to receive what we're about to give
her?
DAVID
She'll have to give us her resignation.
MADDIE
(Dumfounded)
David!
DAVID
Maddie, this woman has stuck by me in times I'm not sure I even
deserved. She stuck by us in times we weren't even sure we could
make it through. When we decided to reopen this place, who was
the first to jump back on the wagon?
MADDIE
Agnes.
DAVID
Who's the one who knows what we want, when we want it before we
even knew we wanted it?
MADDIE
Agnes.
DAVID
And who do you want representing the look and feel of our Headquarters?
Who do you want corresponding to Helen, Brian, and Patrick on
a daily basis?
MADDIE
Agnes.
DAVID
This is it, Maddie. She's taking this position. She's not a secretary
anymore. I will not allow her to be a secretary anymore.
MADDIE
Administrative Assistant.
DAVID
Whatever. It doesn't matter because Agnes DiPesto Viola is now
the new Branch Manager for this office and there's nothing, not
even a politically correct title is gonna change that.
He slams the door behind him.
MADDIE
I agree.
FADE OUT.
END OF ACT ONE
- 4MIN. COMMERCIAL BREAK -
ACT TWO
FADE IN:
INT. - CONFERENCE ROOM - AN HOUR LATER
David paces and looks at his watch when Richie walks in.
DAVID
Where the hell were you? You were supposed to be here 45 minutes
ago.
RICHIE
There was a car wreck on the freeway.
DAVID
I used that excuse, which in my case turned out to be true.
RICHIE
All right, all right. I was getting a phone number from a hot
babe.
DAVID
A hot babe, huh? If she was so hot, how come you didn't call her
by name?
RICHIE
This coming from the "one night wonder?"
DAVID
Shhh! (Looks around to see if anyone is listening. It's a knee
jerk response since no one else is in the room) Atch-way it-ay
for the ids-kay.
RICHIE
(Understanding)
Ight-ray.
MADDIE
(Walks in)
Are we starting this thing or do we have to postpone it for next
year?
DAVID
No, uhhh, we're ready.
RICHIE
Ready as we'll ever be.
MADDIE
Let's go . . . "one hit wonder."
DAVID
That's "one night wonder."
MADDIE
Perfect. It's just what the 30 plus children are waiting to here
coming out of anta-say's outh-may.
DAVID RICHIE
Ight-ray. Ight-ray.
CUT TO:
INT. - DAY CARE CENTER - CONTINUOUS
This room is located on the right of the conference room. A quarter
of the workforce uses this facility so they can work and see their
children. Maddie and David established the day care center and
used it for their children until Ashley turned 6. Since it's first
year, Maddie and David put on a Christmas celebration with music,
food and a chance for the kids to see Santa.
The colors are bright and filled with toys, cribs and soft, round
edged furniture. 30 to 35 children are sitting on the floor eagerly
awaiting the festivities. Their parents and the rest of the Blue
Moon staff are sitting in a few rows of chairs behind the kids.
Everyone looks at Kristine as she makes her way to the microphone
near the front of the room. She taps it a few times then begins
to speak.
KRISTINE
How's everybody doing? (Everyone cheers in response) It's been
the best of times for this company, but it also has been the worse
of times for this nation. So, I hope this 10th annual Christmas
Extravaganza can heal our spirits and help us celebrate into the
new year. (There's a great response) Well . . . like one of our
fearless leaders says, "Enough of my yakkin'. Let's party!!!"
The room is filled with people screaming and clapping. Kristine
moves away from the mic and goes over to the left side of the
room. She opens the door and leaves. Seconds later, the music
to the Beach Boys', "Little Saint Nick", plays on one of the turntables
in the back of the makeshift stage area - the front of the room.
Coming through the door is O'Neil, Simmons, Bert, and Richie.
They're all wearing Santa hats and snapping their fingers and
walking to the four mics to the beat. Bert is the lead singer.
O'NEIL AND SIMMONS
Ooooooohh . . . Merry Christmas . . .
RICHIE
Christmas comes this time each year.
O'NEIL AND SIMMONS
Ooooooohh . . .
They all start swaying from right to left.
BERT
Well way up north where the air gets cold
There's a tale about Christmas that you've all been told
And a real famous cat all dressed up in red
And he spend the whole year working out of his sled
It's the Little saint nick.
O'NEIL AND SIMMONS
Little saint nick
BERT
It's the Little saint nick
O'NEIL AND SIMMONS
Little saint nick.
BERT
Just a little bobsled we call Little saint nick
Well (forgets the words) blah, blah, blah, . . . with the four speed stick
She's candy apple red and a ski for a wheel
And when Santa hits the gas, man just (forgets again) blah, blah, blah
It's the Little saint nick
O'NEIL
Little saint nick
BERT
It's the Little saint nick
O'NEIL AND SIMMONS
Little saint nick
Run, run, reindeer
Run, run, reindeer . . .
O'NEIL
(Steps forward)
Aaaaahhhhh . . .
O'NEIL AND SIMMONS
(Simmons pulls him back in line)
Run, run, reindeer . . .
O'NEIL, SIMMONS AND RICHIE
Run, run, reindeer
The three of them point to Richie
RICHIE
He don't miss no one.
BERT
Howling through the snow at a frightening speed
With a half a dozen deer really willing to lead
He's gotta wear his gargles 'cause the snow really flies
And he's cruising every path with a little surprise
It's the Little saint nick
O'NEIL AND SIMMONS
Little saint nick
BERT
It's the little saint nick
O'NEIL AND SIMMONS
Little saint nick
Ooooooohhh . . . Merry Christmas . . .
RICHIE
Christmas comes this time each year
O'NEIL AND SIMMONS
Ooooooohhh . . . Merry Christmas . . .
RICHIE
Christmas comes this time each year
O'neil, Simmons and Richie repeat their lines. They all continue
to snap their fingers and walk back from where they came. The
crowd cheers as they exit. Kristine returns to the microphone.
KRISTINE
Okay, we've heard from the boys. Now let's see what the girls
have in store.
The music to "Silver Bells" play, but no one is coming through
the door. It takes a few seconds for the audience to murmur in
confusion. Jamie gets Kristine's attention. Kristine excuses herself
and walks out the room.
CUT TO:
INT. - OUTSIDE OF DAY CARE CENTER - CONTINUOUS
Jamie looks nervous while standing in an ice blue dress in a style
reminiscent of what 60's girl groups used to wear.
KRISTINE
(Whispers)
What happened? Where's Inez? Where's Miss Hayes?
JAMIE
(Whispers)
Her zipper's stuck.
KRISTINE
(Shouts) What? . . . (Whispers) I mean, what?
JAMIE
Remember when Inez went to the dentist and got those new invisible
braces –
KRISTINE
Ooh, don't tell me . . .
JAMIE
I have to. How am I going to tell you to switch our spot with
Mr. Addison if I don't?
KRISTINE
But he's not ready either.
JAMIE
Which would you rather see? One third of the Supremes or four
fifths of the Temptations?
CUT TO:
INT. - A FEW FEET AWAY FROM DAY CARE CENTER - CONTINUOUS
David walks up to Bert.
DAVID
Bert. Just the man I want to see.
BERT
And you're just the man I want to see. (Gets excited) Mr. Addison,
I really have to tell you –
DAVID
No, you don't.
BERT
(Confused)
I don't?
DAVID
You don't because I'm doing the telling for you.
BERT
You will?
DAVID
I will.
BERT
You're going to tell me how I appreciate you letting me sing and
dance with you?
DAVID
Not in those exact words.
BERT
Then what were you going to say . . . exactly?
DAVID
Miss Hayes and I have come to a decision . . . (He turns his head
and sees empty space at the three microphone stands) What's going
on?
BERT
That's exactly what I had in mind, sir.
DAVID
Hold that thought. (Walks to the day care center)
BERT
Holding as we speak, sir.
CUT TO:
INT. - OUTSIDE DAY CARE CENTER - CONTINUOUS
KRISTINE
Where's Agnes?
JAMIE
She's in the conference room trying to do the best she can.
KRISTINE
Where is Mr. Addison?
JAMIE
I'll get him.
DAVID
(Walks up to them)
You already got him. (Kristine and Jamie turn around) What's not
going on? Shouldn't there be an imitation of a 60's girl group
singing their hearts out?
KRISTINE
Apparently, Inez' braces met up with Miss Hayes' zipper –
DAVID
And it was love at first bite. I get it. When did they first hook
up?
JAMIE
About 10 minutes ago.
DAVID
(Gets ready to go to the conference room)
I'll take care of it.
KRISTINE
But Mr. Addison? . . .
DAVID
Hey, trust me. I've done this plenty of times. These ten fingers
can do wonders.
JAMIE
It's not that. You have to go on.
DAVID
Go on where?
KRISTINE
Go on there. (Points to an empty stage behind her)
DAVID
But we haven't gotten our choreographed moves down yet.
KRISTINE JAMIE
(Puppy dog eyes) (Puppy dog eyes)
Pleeeease? Pleeeease?
DAVID
(Surrenders)
Gimmie a sec. to round up the fellas.
JAMIE
(Hugs him)
Thanks Mr. Addison! (runs over to the conference room)
KRISTINE
Thanks. (Kisses him on the cheek in excitement) You're the best.
(Goes inside the day care center)
DAVID
(Has a smug look on his face)
That's what Maddie keeps tellin' me.
When Kristine goes to the mic the audience quiets down.
KRISTINE
It seems we're having technically difficulties, but don't worry
the show will go on. However, the ladies will be performing later
than anticipated . . .
CUT TO:
INT. - OUTSIDE DAY CARE CENTER - CONTINUOUS
RICHIE
We have to do what?
SIMMONS
But we're not -
DAVID
I know, but the girls are having problems with metal objects at
the moment. We've been called for duty much sooner than we expected.
O'NEIL
But we can't go, sir.
BERT
I still haven't thanked you for –
DAVID
You've thanked me enough. You may have thanked me too much.
SIMMONS
But we're not –
DAVID
I know, I know. But we have no other choice. We gotta do what's
best for the show. Are you with me? (The four guys mumbles, "yes")
(Louder) I said are you with me?!
RICHIE, SIMMONS, O'NEIL AND BERT
Yes, sir!
CUT TO:
INT. - DAY CARE CENTER - CONTINUOUS
KRISTINE
These next performers has agreed to fill their place and to tell
you about a reindeer we all know.
The music of the Temptations' version of "Rudolph The Red Nosed
Reindeer" begins. Five guys with sunglasses (O'Neil, Simmons,
Richie, Bert and David) walk out carrying their suit jackets over
their right shoulders and take their places in front of the five
microphone stands.
O'NEIL
(Talks) You know . . . (Sings) There's Dasher and Dancer and Prancer and Vixen . . .
SIMMONS
Comet and Cupid and Donner and Blitzen . . .
DAVID
Ooooh . . . but do you recall . . .
BERT
The most famous reindeer of all . . .
They start doing "the grapevine."
ALL
Rudolph the red nosed reindeer
Had a very shiny nose
And if you ever saw it
You would even say it glows . . .
DAVID
All of the other, other reindeer
Used to laugh and call him names
They never let poor Rudolph
Join in any reindeer games . . .
O'NEIL, SIMMONS AND BERT
Then one foggy Christmas Eve
Santa came to say . . .
Hey Rudolph!
DAVID
You with your nose so bright . . .
RICHIE
C'mon, c'mon, c'mon, c'mon and guide my sleigh tonight.
DAVID
Oooh, then how the reindeer loved him
As they shouted out with glee . . .
CUT TO:
INT. - CONFERENCE ROOM - CONTINUOUS
AGNES
It's out!
Inez puts one of her hands on her knee and the other hand is covering
her mouth. Maddie stretches her back. Both women are breathing
much better as they calm themselves down.
JAMIE
I guess it might be a bad time to ask if we can still rehearse.
Agnes, Inez and Maddie turn and look at Jamie like she has two
heads.
CUT TO:
INT. - DAY CARE CENTER - CONTINUOUS
They continue singing.
DAVID O'NEIL, SIMMONS
AND BERT
Rudolph the Red nosed reindeer Hey, Rudolph!
ALL
You'll go down in his - stor - y
Hey, Rudolph . . . why don't you guide my sleigh . . .
Hey, Rudolph . . . why don't you guide my sleigh . . .
They guys repeat the phrase until the record fades. The crowd
cheers wildly, mostly from the children. The guys take a few bows
before they walk out the door.
CUT TO:
INT. - OUTSIDE DAY CARE CENTER - CONTINUOUS
The five guys give each other high and low fives. Agnes runs up
to David.
DAVID
(Turns around)
What's up, Doc? Does Miss Hayes need more time in the operating
room?
AGNES
Nope. She's recuperating. She wants a certain visitor to visit
her.
DAVID
I'm on my way.
He starts to leave, but feels tugging on his left sleeve. He looks
down and sees his daughter.
ASHLEY
Have you seen Wally?
DAVID
I didn't –
ASHLEY
There you are!
She sprints over to Walter, jr, pulls him by the hand and leaves
his amused parents behind.
ASHLEY
(Shouts at him)
We thought you'd never get here! We're next!
She pushes Walter, jr on his back making him hurry into the day
care center.
DAVID
(Looks at Terri and Walter - Calmly)
And how are you this fine afternoon?
CUT TO:
INT. - DAY CARE CENTER - CONTINUOUS
Walter, Jr. stands behind Kristine. He tests his headphones and
his records.
KRISTINE
Not only are the adults showing off their talent, the kids are
also getting into the act. They have a number just for all of
you. (points at the kids sitting on the floor)
When Kristine walks away from the mic, Walter, jr, starts scratching
one of the two records on the turntables introducing Run-DMC's,
"Christmas In Hollis." As the music begins, Ashley and little
David struts into the room and to the mics. Ashley is Run, little
David is DMC.
ASHLEY
(Talks to crowd)
Okay, everybody...here we go...
(Sings)
It was December 24th on hollis Ave. after dark
When I seen a man chillin' with his dog in the park
I approached him very slowly with my heart full of fear
Looked at his dog...Oh my God...an ill reindeer
But then I was illin' 'cause the man had a beard
And a bag filled with goodies, twelve o'clock had neared
So I turned my head a second and the man was gone
But he must have dropped his wallet smack dead on his lawn
I picked the wallet up and then I took a pause
Took out the license and it col' said "Santa Claus"
A million dollars was in it, col' hundreds of "G's"
Enough to buy a boat, a matchin' car with ease
But I never steal from Santa, 'cause that ain't right
So I was goin' home to mail it back to him last night
But when I got home I bugged, 'cause under the tree
Was a letter from Santa and the dough was for me!
Within the music break, Walter, jr. shows off his Djing skills,
the children in the audience are clapping and some are dancing
to the music. Even the adults can't help but clap, too.
LITTLE DAVID
It's Christmas time in Hollis, Queens
Mom's cookin' chicken and collard greens
Rice and stuffin', macaroni and cheese
And Santa put gifts under Christmas trees
Decorate the house with lights at night
Snow's on the ground snow white so bright
In the fireplace is a yule log
Beneath the mistletoe as we drink eggnog
The rhymes that you hear are the rhymes of Daryl's
Like each and every year we bust Christmas Caroles.
The second music break, Ashley and little David dance the cabbage
patch (moving both hands in an oblong circle from right to left)
ASHLEY AND LITTLE DAVID
Rhymes so loud and proud you hear it
It's Christmas time and we got the spirit
Jack Frost chillin'; Egg nog is out
And that's what Christmas is all about
ASHLEY
The time is now.
LITTLE DAVID
The place is here.
ASHLEY
The whole wide world is filled with cheer.
LITTLE DAVID
My name's DMC with the mic in my hand
I'm chillin' and coolin' just like a snowman
So open your eyes, lend us an ear
We wanna say . . .
ASHLEY AND LITTLE DAVID
Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!
Ashley and little David dance and lead the crowd. They urge everyone
to wave their arms from side to side. Ashley can't help but ab-lib
one more time before she is done.
ASHLEY
Say, ho!
AUDIENCE
Ho!
ASHLEY
Say, ho, ho!
AUDIENCE
Ho, ho!
ASHLEY
Say, ho, ho, ho!
AUDIENCE
Ho, ho, ho!
ASHLEY
Now scream!
AUDIENCE
Aaaahhhhh!
Ashley and little David make their way to the door. Ashley repeats
this phrase as she leaves:
ASHLEY
There ain't no party like a Christmas party, 'cause a Christmas
party don't stop!
She has everyone, including her parents who are waiting outside
the door, repeating the phrase with her.
CUT TO:
INT. - OUTSIDE DAY CARE CENTER - CONTINUOUS
As the thunderous cheering and screaming continues, Maddie holds
out her arms to give her daughter a hug.
MADDIE
That was fantastic, sweetheart!
DAVID
(Extends his arms)
Yo, yo . . . that was mad cool, dawg. Gimmie a pound.
He bangs fists with his son and Walter, jr. Then Walter, jr. goes
over to his parents and they also hug him and congratulate him
on his performance. Ashley goes over to David and is about to
hug him.
ASHLEY
Daddy.
DAVID
Wassup, homegirl?
ASHLEY
You're embarrassing me. (She hugs him anyway)
DAVID
Sorry . . . my bad.
CUT TO:
Kristine is back at the microphone.
KRISTINE
The problem the ladies had earlier seemed to iron itself out.
They celebrate by bringing the pace down a little . . . only for
a little . . . as they sing of a certain bell of a certain color
. . .
CUT TO:
Outside the door.
MADDIE
(Slightly sarcastic)
How smooth.
DAVID
You sure you don't need any more help with that zipper? (Maddie
turns her head slowly revealing her unpleasant mood) You never
know where it can get caught on next.
MADDIE
How 'bout I catch your teeth with my fist?
DAVID
Nice to know you still float like a butterfly. Can you sing more
for me?
She gives him her last glare before she joins Jamie and Inez.
She sits on the middle stool. Diana Ross the the Supremes' version
of, "Silver Bells" is heard.
MADDIE
Silver Bells
JAMIE AND INEZ
Silver Bells
MADDIE
Silver Bells
JAMIE AND INEZ
Silver Bells
MADDIE JAMIE AND
INEZ
It's Christmas time in the city. Ooooooohhhh.
MADDIE
Ring a ling.
JAMIE
Ring a ling.
MADDIE
Hear them ring.
JAMIE AND INEZ
Hear them ring.
MADDIE
Soon it will be Christmas day . . .
CUT TO:
INT. - DAY CARE CENTER (AUDIENCE SECTION) - CONTINUOUS
Maddie, Inez and Jamie continue singing as Ashley, little David
and Walter, jr. search for a seat in the audience. They spot Joey
and Mrs. Harrison on the right. They also spot Jeffrey waving
at them on the left.
LITTLE DAVID
Where do you think we should go?
ASHLEY
We haven't seen Joey in a while.
WALTER, JR.
But we don't want to hurt Jeffrey's feelings.
LITTLE DAVID
Plus, he might go crying to Agnes and Bert. It'll be both our
behinds when Mom and Dad find out.
ASHLEY
But we're closer to Joey.
LITTLE DAVID
That's not true, we only known him for a few months.
ASHLEY
No stupid, we're closer to his seat.
WALTER, JR.
I'll sit next to Jeffrey.
LITTLE DAVID
No, no I'll sit next to him.
WALTER, JR.
No, I'll do it.
LITTLE DAVID
No, let me.
ASHLEY
I'll do it. I'll do anything to get you two to shut up.
LITTLE DAVID
(Perks up)
Thanks. (To Walter, jr.) Let's go. Joey's waiting.
They leave Ashley seething as she realized she was tricked.
CUT TO:
INT. - DAY CARE CENTER (FRONT OF THE ROOM) - CONTINUOUS
Maddie, Inez and Jamie continue to sing, "Silver Bells."
MADDIE
Ring a ling.
JAMIE AND INEZ
Ring a ling.
MADDIE
Hear them ring.
JAMIE AND INEZ
Hear them ring.
MADDIE
Soon it will beeeee . . .
Christmas daaaaay.
The women bow their heads to an adoring crowd.
MADDIE
Since we took so long to get out here, we've decided to do an
extra song for you. Would you like that?
The audience cheers in response. Before Maddie continues she hears
a "pssst" coming behind her right ear. She turns and sees David
motions his hand her for to come to the door.
MADDIE
(Leans to Jamie and speaks into her ear)
Jamie take over. I have to take care of something.
JAMIE
Why? What happened?
MADDIE
Ask the lunatic standing by the door.
Jamie looks over and sees David, dressed as Santa, smiling and
giving a small wave.
JAMIE
(To cover up)
How 'bout it for Miss Hayes.
The crowd screams and claps for her as Maddie gets up and walks
out the room.
CUT TO:
INT. - OUTSIDE DAY CARE CENTER - CONTINUOUS
MADDIE
(Snaps as she whispers)
What is it? I'm in the middle of something.
DAVID
And we're in the middle of something blowing up in our faces.
MADDIE
You didn't tell him, did you?
DAVID
I tried, but his mouth kept going and it was hard to catch up
with it.
MADDIE
(Sarcastic)
Great.
DAVID
No, not so great. Turns out the surprise we're surprising the
surprisee has surprised us.
MADDIE
What are you babbling about?
DAVID
I can't find Agnes.
MADDIE
You can't find Agnes?
DAVID
I can't find Agnes. I checked here, checked there, checked yon,
checked hither. I checked to and checked fro. too.
BERT
Where's Agnes' stuff?
They turn around and see Bert standing behind them.
DAVID MADDIE
Huh? Huh?
BERT
Where's Agnes' stuff? Her files. Her cabinets. Her little trinkets
she . . . (Has a thought in his head) Oh my God . . .
MADDIE
Before you jump to conclusions . . .
BERT
How can you fire Agnes?
DAVID
(To Maddie)
He landed on both feet.
BERT
Is this the decision you were about to tell me, Mr. Addison?
DAVID
Well . . . not exactly.
BERT
How can you stand there and try to rationalize your cold blooded,
calculated, corporate speech about dumping one of the warmest,
sweetest, kindest person who has ever picked up a telephone!
MADDIE
Bert, there's been a misunderstanding.
BERT
You bet there is. For Agnes to ever think she can trust people
like you.
DAVID
Bert –
BERT
Doesn't loyalty mean anything anymore?
MADDIE
Bert -
BERT
Well, I for one will not stand for my wife . . . my poor wife
. . .
AGNES (Off Screen)
Bert.
BERT
Agnes, stay where you are!
DAVID
Bert –
BERT
Mr. Addison, if you wanted me to do your dirty work out in the
filthy, sullen streets of Los Angeles that's one thing, but to
ask me to pull a stunt like this . . .
DAVID
I never asked you to do anything.
BERT
But you were going to.
MADDIE
But Bert – (He keeps walking in the opposite direction)
MADDIE
(Mocking)
Wow. You took care of it all right.
DAVID
Just get Agnes. I'll take Bert out of the oven so he can cool
down.
CUT TO:
INT. - DAY CARE CENTER - CONTINUOUS
Jamie and Inez finish singing, "Frosty the Snowman."
JAMIE AND INEZ
. . . But he waved goodbye saying don't you cry
I'll be back again someday.
The audience claps.
JAMIE
Okay, here's something I'm sure the kids in the audience, that's
right all of you sitting in front of us, will enjoy. In order
to do so, I'm gonna need your help. I'll tell you what I mean
when the time is right. (turns around to the person at the turntables)
Okay, gimmie the music . . .
CUT TO:
INT. - BLUE MOON OUTER OFFICE - CONTINUOUS
Agnes stands near the area she used to have her stuff at for more
than sixteen years. She looks confused because most of it is gone.
AGNES
Bert, what happened? Did we get robbed?
BERT
Ummm, Agnes . . . I don't know how to say this but –
David runs in from the back part of the office in his Santa suit.
DAVID
I found him, Maddie! They're right here! (He advances on Bert)
Bert let me talk to her.
BERT
No way!
AGNES
(Shocked)
Bert!
He grabs Agnes and runs to the other side of the room. The snappy
guitar licks of Chuck Berry's, "Run Rudolph Run" starts playing.
Out of all the reindeers
You are the mastermind . . .
DAVID
(Runs after Bert)
You're making a mistake!
BERT
It's you who's making the mistake!
He takes some chairs and blocks David's path while pulling Agnes
with him thoughout the office.
Run Run Rudolph
Randolph ain't too far behind . . .
David leaps over the chairs. Bert tugs on Agnes' arm to follow
him as he leaps on one of the desks.
Run Run Rudolph
Santa's gotta make it to town . . .
Maddie rushes in and sees all the craziness and follows behind
David leaping on desks to catch Burt or Agnes.
Santa make him hurry
Tell him he can take the freeway down . . .
Maddie attempts to leap, but soon realizes she can't because of
her 60's style-like dress.
MADDIE
What am I doing?
She decides to cut Bert off as she runs across the room heading
toward her office.
Run Run Rudolph
'Cause I'm reelin' like a merry-go-round . . .
CUT TO:
INT. - DAY CARE CENTER - CONTINUOUS
Jamie sings a sing-a-long with the children, Diana Ross and the
Supremes', "Children's Christmas Song."
JAIME, INEZ AND CHILDREN
Ding, dong, ding, dong hear the bell
Ringing out the first Noel
Joyous chimes ring loud and clear
Spreading word the savior's here . . .
CUT TO:
INT. - OUTER BLUE MOON OFFICE - CONTINUOUS
Run Run Rudolph
Santa's gotta make it to town . . .
Bert continues to jump over tables until Maddie cuts him off and
is now right in front of him. He panics and leaps sideways and
begins running the other direction to David's office.
Santa make him hurry
Tell him he can take the freeway down . . .
David jumps off a desk and runs after Bert. Agnes gets too tired
and falls to the floor. Maddie runs over to her to see if she
is all right. Bert turns around and sees what's happening.
BERT
Nooooo!
Before Bert knew what hit him, David grabs him from behind. He
wrestles Bert to the ground.
CUT TO:
INT. - DAY CARE CENTER - CONTINUOUS
JAMIE, INEZ AND CHILDREN
. . .Wisemen berrying gifts of love
Following a star above
JAMIE
That was great, kids. Let's do it one more time . . .
CUT TO:
INT. - OUTER BLUE MOON OFFICE (NEAR DAVID'S OFFICE) - CONTINUOUS
Chuck Berry's guitar solo in the music break.
David wrestles Bert so he can try to calm him down.
BERT
I'll never give you the satisfaction of breaking her heart!
DAVID
But you're willing to break her ribs.
BERT
Go ahead, joke. You're not the one who's going to lose their health
insurance.
CUT TO:
INT. - OUTER BLUE MOON OFFICE (NEAR MADDIE'S OFFICE) - CONTINUOUS
Maddie comforts Agnes.
AGNES
What is all this about, Miss Hayes?
MADDIE
(Leads Agnes to her office)
I'll tell you once we get inside.
Bert looks up from across the room seeing Agnes going into Maddie's
office.
BERT
Nooooo!
Run Run Rudolph
Santa's gotta make it to town . . .
Richie enters the room and looks at what David is doing.
RICHIE
Hey, Dave. This is no time to imitate The Rock. The kids are expecting
to see an old man with a white beard in a few minutes. . . . Dave?
Bert somehow gets out of David's grasp and starts running toward
Maddie's office.
DAVID
(To Richie)
Stop him before he ruins everything!
Santa make him hurry
Tell him he can take the freeway down . . .
Richie's long strides helps catch up to Bert and grabs him from
behind. While this is going on, David runs past them and goes
to Maddie's office.
CUT TO:
INT. - MADDIE'S OFFICE - CONTINUOUS
The music stops when David opens the door. Maddie talks to Agnes
while they sit next to each other on one of the sofas. David barges
through the door. This startles Maddie and Agnes.
DAVID
(Catching his breath)
You didn't tell her, Maddie. Tell me you didn't tell her.
AGNES
Tell me what?
DAVID
Good. You didn't tell her. (David shuts the door)
CUT TO:
INT. - OUTSIDE MADDIE'S OFFICE - CONTINUOUS
The music resumes as David looks at Richie still struggling to
hold Bert down. Bert looks at David.
. . . A little baby doll
That can cry, sleep, drink and wet . . .
BERT
Boy are you gonna pay for ruining Agnes' life . . . I don't know
where, I don't know when . . . but you'll pay.
DAVID
If I don't get this suit in on time, I'll pay even more.
And then away went Rudolph
Whizzin' like a saber jet . . .
RICHIE
You don't take offense to this?
DAVID
Look, Bert is trying to protect Agnes. I would be doing the same
thing.
BERT
Ah ha! So you admit it!
Walter walks in.
WALTER
Oh, there you are, David. I was looking all over for you. Kristine
wants me to tell you to get ready. You're on in ten minutes.
DAVID
(Absently)
That's great. Richie's been looking for some help. Can you help
him drag Bert into my office? Thanks. (David blindly walks away)
When Walter goes over to Richie, but Bert stomps on Richie's foot.
It makes Richie shout and releases his grip on Bert. Walter attempts
to block Bert's path, but Bert pushes Walter aside. Walter falls
backward on Richie.
Run Run Rudolph
I'm reelin' like a merry-go-round.
CUT TO:
INT. - OUTSIDE CONFERENCE ROOM - CONTINUOUS
David catches his breath and heads for the conference room to
freshen up, relax and get himself ready to be Kris Kringle for
the 10th time. However, Bert sees him before he can do all of
this.
BERT
There you are.
DAVID
(Looks at Bert)
Bert will you stop! I'm not trying to ruin Agnes' life!
BERT
I don't wanna hear you smooth talking your way out of this one.
Bert chases him and David runs toward the room closest to him.
He reaches a door, turns around, fumbles with the knob until he
gets it to turn counterclockwise. He enters the room, spins around
fast and slams the door shut to keep Bert out. He pants to catch
his breath again, but his feelings of relief has dissipated when
he hears:
VOICES
. . .On this very special day
Wise men berrying gifts of love
Following a star above . . .
GIRL IN AUDIENCE
Hey! There's Santa!
Jamie and Inez are surprised when they turn and see David.
JAMIE
Uhhh, Santa? . . . I didn't expect you to be here this early.
DAVID
I guess leaving the sleigh bells in the North Pole worked. See,
I always wanted to know if leaving those noisy things will help
my journey. You know, so I wouldn't make so much noise . . . And
apparently, it works. . . .Now if I can only find a way to turn
down Rudolph nose. Kids can see the glow from their windows for
miles.
The door suddenly flies open despite Walter and Richie's tight
grip around Bert. It couldn't stop the momentum as he barrels
into David. He topples him to the floor. Walter and Richie are
dragged down with Bert causing a pile. The pile grows beyond anyone's
expectation as the kids prepare to help Santa and attack the people
"attacking" Santa.
DAVID
(Bottom of pile)
Now I know how a pitcher feels after he wins the World Series.
VOICE (Off Screen)
Here Santa! Take my hand! We'll pull you out!
David sees a small hand. Some of its fingers pokes his nose. He
takes the hand and felt a small tug.
VOICE (Off Screen)
Pull harder! Santa's gonna get crushed if we don't hurry!
David feels more tugging, but it's still not helping him get out
of this humongous pile.
DAVID
I think I need another hand.
VOICE (Off Screen)
You heard him. Give him your hand!
Another hand finds it way and pokes David's ear.
DAVID
This is why Q-tips are dangerous.
David grabs the second hand and he can feel his body slowly freeing
itself out of the pile. When he put his two feet back on the floor,
he looks up to see who his search and rescue team are. They are
five kids. Three of whom looks very familiar . . . Ashley, little
David and Walter, jr.
ASHLEY
Are you okay, Santa? Did Bert hurt you? Do you want me to kick
him –
LITTLE DAVID
Ash, you don't want Santa seeing you being naughty, do you?
ASHLEY
(Hits her hand on her forehead)
Oh, right . . . I just don't want anyone messin' with people I
care about . . . other than my parents.
DAVID
(Smiles underneath the beard)
They'd be glad to hear it.
ASHLEY
(Rolls her eyes - reluctant to speak)
And my brother.
LITTLE DAVID
(Pleasantly surprised)
Really?
ASHLEY
Really.
WALTER, JR.
(Half mocking)
That's so sweet.
ASHLEY
If you blab, I'm putting you through that wall. (she points to
her left)
WALTER, JR.
Great. It's padded.
DAVID
Pardon me, kids. I need to spread joy to an unsuspecting person
who needs it and another unsuspecting person who will get off
my back when the joy has been spread.
When David walks away, Ashley laughs to herself.
WALTER, JR.
What's so funny about that?
ASHLEY
Nothing.
WALTER, JR.
So, what's with the laughter?
ASHLEY
If I closed my eyes, I'd think that we were talking to my Dad.
LITTLE DAVID
That is funny.
He laughs. Soon after, he unconsciously gives a sideway squint
while letting Ashley's last comment sink in.
DAVID
T'was three days before Christmas
Not a moment too soon
I have a secret to reveal
But I gotta leave this room
I'm here for the kids
I know. I realize
But there's a woman here
Waiting for her surprise
It'll take a few minutes
I'll be back in a snap
I promise to put
All you kids in my lap
I'm doing this as a favor
The deed must be done
I'm playing Secret Santa
for Hayes and Addison
When David leaves the room, most of the people follow him. David
walks through the hall from the day care center, passes the business
and accounting departments and the copy room on his left. He then
walks straight ahead until he reaches Maddie's door to his left.
He knocks on the door and walks in.
CUT TO:
INT. - MADDIE'S OFFICE - CONTINUOUS
DAVID
Maddie, did you tell her?
AGNES
Tell me what?
DAVID
(Walks to Agnes)
Good. You didn't tell her. (Grabs Agnes' hand - To Agnes) Follow
me.
MADDIE
But David –
DAVID
No time. I had a huge chip on my back. His name was Bert.
MADDIE
You could at least use a blindfold.
DAVID
That's a good idea.
AGNES
(Confused)
Blindfold?
DAVID
Trust me . . . (Gets a handkerchief from Maddie's desk and slips
it over Agnes' eyes.) It's not what you think . . . (Tying it
at the back of Agnes' head).
He opens the door and guides Agnes by putting his hands on her
shoulders.
CUT TO:
INT. - OUTSIDE MADDIE'S OFFICE - CONTINUOUS
Many of the people who followed David are murmuring to see what
he is doing. David then steers Agnes' body to the left.
BERT
What on earth are you torturing her to do? Isn't firing her enough
torture!
EVERYONE
Firing her?
AGNES
(Stops walking)
Firing me?
DAVID
(To her ear)
Just keep walking.
Agnes reluctantly does what David said. David searches his pockets
to get the keys, but remembers he's wearing a Santa suit.
DAVID
Hey, Maddie, you have the . . . (She extends her hand and gives
him the keys) (To Agnes' ear) Be prepared to be shocked.
AGNES
More than I already am?
The keys go through the lock and David opens the door. Agnes hears
a few gasps and several "Wow's" behind her. The blindfold falls
from her eyes. What she sees she can't comprehend. She's bombarded
with all the decorations she put up at her "old" desk. It's spread
around a room three quarters the size of Maddie's office. It's
furnished full of soft pastel colors. Light pink drapes covers
her new ceiling to floor window. A few potted plants fill her
bookcase on the right wall. Her new desk is on the left wall.
It's equipped with a laptop, palm pilot, telephone and the remaining
pictures and personal items moved from her old space. Sitting
in front of the window is her new sofa. In front of that is her
new coffeetable.
DAVID
(To Agnes' ear)
Surprise . . . Merry Christmas. (Kisses her cheek)
MADDIE
Merry Christmas.
Maddie goes over to her and gives Agnes a hug and a kiss on the
cheek.
AGNES
Wow . . . is this . . . all for . . . me?
MADDIE
No. (Agnes turns to Maddie) This is for our new Branch Manager.
BERT
Your new Branch Manager? . . . So, you mean you took all that
stuff from there (Points to her old spot) to put in here?
DAVID
Is this enough for you not to kill me?
BERT
You made Agnes? . . . Agnes . . . the telephone rhyming . . .
file organizing . . . letter typing . . .email gathering Agnes
. . . your new manager?
DAVID
Yup. (To Agnes) I told you I was saving this office for you, didn't
I?
Behind Bert's sigh of disappointment, money exchanged hands from
many of the staff.
AGNES
I don't know what to say.
MADDIE
You don't have to say anything.
DAVID
There are still things we have to do in here like fix the plumbing
in your personal bathroom. But your husband left us with no choice
but to show it to you prematurely.
MADDIE
And Mr. Addison knows what it is to be premature, don't you, Mr.
Addison? (He grimaces to Maddie)
JEFFREY (Off Screen)
Mommy . . . Mommy . . . (A five year old boy walks up to Agnes)
I've never seen this room before. Who's is it?
AGNES
(Still stunned)
Looks like it's mine. (She hugs her son)
JEFFREY
Why is it so much bigger than Daddy's?
AGNES
(Getting a bit uncomfortable)
I don't know, honey . . . wait a second . . . who do I report
to?
MADDIE
Same as always. You report to us.
DAVID
The difference is everyone else now has to report to you.
AGNES
(Looks at Bert)
Everyone?
DAVID
Everyone.
BERT
(Grumbles under his breath)
Great.
MADDIE
What was that, Bert?
BERT
(Forces a smile)
I said great . . . this is just . . . great . . . (Goes over to
Agnes, kisses her cheek awkwardly. Agnes can tell his having a
hard time with this.) Wonderful . . . terrific . . . (He turns
around and walks out of the room)
DAVID
Now if you all will excuse me, I have many other wishes to grant.
(He prepares to leave the room)
DISSOLVE TO:
INT. - DAVID'S OFFICE - EVENING
David still wears the Santa suit while he snores in his chair.
The door swings open slowly and Maddie walks in. She quietly moves
over to his desk. She leans on the edge, a few inches to the left
of David as she watches an old man disguised as her husband. It
was as though David can feel her presence. One of his eyes begins
to slowly raise and confirms what his feelings told him.
MADDIE
Agnes was really surprised, wasn't she?
DAVID
I don't know who was more surprised, Agnes or her pint sized warrior.
MADDIE
His overreaction was an understatement when he found out what
was really going on. You think he can handle it?
DAVID
It's hard to transfer your reality when you're losing your position
on the food chain.
MADDIE
How did you feel when I first announced I was your boss?
DAVID
You mean after I realized you were serious? Uhhh . . . I don't
know. My snout was more towards smelling your perfume than smelling
my resistance to your authority.
MADDIE
You always know what to say.
DAVID
Now it's your turn.
MADDIE
My turn?
DAVID
Your turn. It's eve of Christmas Eve. It's next to the last chance
to tell dear ol' Santa you'd rather be naughty than nice . . .
(Pulls Maddie on his lap) . . . or is there any difference?
MADDIE
You're the only Santa who thinks being naughty, good and nice
have the same meaning.
DAVID
Makes my life easier.
MADDIE
I'd love to get my hands on your Thesaurus . . . on second thought,
I'd rather not.
DAVID
C'mon, times a-wastin'. Rudolph said he'll page me in a couple
of hours.
MADDIE
Well . . . I do have something you can do.
DAVID
And what would that be?
The music for "Santa Baby," begins to play.
MADDIE
(Sings)
Santa baby
Could you rub my legs and my feet for me?
I've been such a good girl
Santa baby
I want you in my chimney tonight.
Santa baby
Move you hand more to the right, that's nice.
Don't stop touching me there
Santa baby
I want you in my chimney tonight.
Think of all the fun we've missed
Think of all the places where I haven't kissed
Really, I'm trying to be oh so good
Just help me reach my state of bliss
ba-do-be-do Santa honey
Your breath's so hot it's reached a certain . . . spot a lot
From my neck to my ear
Santa honey
I want you in my chimney tonight.
Santa cutie
There's one place your hands need to be, on these
I bet you do just fine
Santa cutie
I want you in my chimney tonight.
Santa baby
My head needs somewhere to rest, your chest
It feels so good to me
Santa baby
I want you in my chimney tonight.
Aren't you hot in that red suit?
I'll start by taking off your left boot
Why don't you throw off your hat and coat
Let's see if you're able to execute
Lucky for you, Santa baby
I'm asking you to toss one of these, your keys
We need to lock the door closed
Santa baby
I want you in my chimney tonight.
I want you in my chimney tonight.
I want you in my chimney . . . tooo . . . niiiight.
Maddie kisses David. He wraps his arms around her. He leans forward
as they get more intense. The camera angle switches to an outside
shot of David's office. They lose their balance and they fall
to the floor. Several giggles and chuckles signals they are all
right. The camera pulls back showing a silhouette of a small figure.
The reverse angle shows a shocked expression on Ashley's face.
After seeing them disappear behind the desk, she runs away crying.
FADE OUT
END OF ACT TWO
- 2 MIN. COMMERCIAL BREAK -
FADE IN:
HALFWAY BUMPER (1):
A still image of the title is shown. Auld Lang Syne is playing.
Maddie and David’s voices are singing in voice over.
MADDIE AND DAVID
It's clear that we're
Stuck in the year
Of two-thousand one
But please come back
So you can catch
More excitement and more fun
FADE OUT.
- 2 MIN. COMMERICAL BREAK -
FADE IN:
HALFWAY BUMPER (2):
A still image of the title is shown. Second half of Auld Lang
Syne is playing. Maddie and David’s voices are singing in voice
over.
MADDIE AND DAVID
We made sure you don't miss a thing
We have so much in store
We're glad you're back
Sit down, relax
It's time to show you more.
FADE OUT.
ACT THREE
FADE IN:
INT. - MADDIE AND DAVID'S LIVING ROOM - NEXT AFTERNOON
The Addison family are busy putting up the lights on their Christmas
tree. David is on a ladder as he decorates the tree.
DAVID
Ash, can you hand me those lights over there?
He points to the wire with multi-colored lights a few inches away
from Ashley's feet, but she doesn't respond to her father's request.
She's staring at a far away place.
DAVID
Sweet pea . . . I can't make the lights jump up in my hands .
. . (Ashley still doesn't respond)
LITTLE DAVID
(Snaps his fingers in her face)
Hello! . . . Dad's trying to speak to you. . . . Ash?. . . (She
still doesn't respond) I'll get them, Dad.
Little David crosses in front of his far-eyed sister and picks
the lights up off the carpet. He crosses Ashley again to go to
David and gives the lights to his dad.
DAVID
Ash, honey, are you all right?
ASHLEY
(Snaps out of it)
Huh?
LITTLE DAVID
Dag. (Snaps his fingers in mock disappointment) I was getting
used to the silence.
DAVID
What's on your mind, sweet pea?
ASHLEY
Nothin' . . . nothin' is on my mind.
LITTLE DAVID
(Shakes his head)
Nah . . . too easy.
ASHLEY
I need to lay down. (She leaves the room)
LITTLE DAVID
Okay, something's definitely wrong. She usually hits a 450 foot
homer off that softball I just tossed her.
Before little David follows his sister, the bell rings.
DAVID
Get that for me will ya?
Little David goes to the front door.
DAVID
Eh, Maddie, come out and check out the tree . . . Yo Maddie .
. . Mad-day!
VOICE (Off Screen)
I'm not Maddie, but I can still give you a helping hand.
DAVID
The way this day is goin', I'll take all the help I can get. (He
turns around and sees Terri) Hey, how are you doing? Where's Walter?
TERRI
(Walks over to David)
Can you believe he had to go to yet another business trip?
DAVID
(Getting down from the ladder)
Will this guy ever take a break?
TERRI
I made him promise me on a stack of Bibles from hom to be back
before I hear sleigh bells out of my window.
DAVID
Well . . . according to my watch he has about 48 hours to go.
TERRI
42 but who's counting. (Terri and David hug) So, where's Maddie?
DAVID
I believe this is where you came in.
Walter, Jr. and little David walk into the living room.
DAVID
Good timing. Now can you go get your mom. She has a visitor.
LITTLE DAVID
All right, Dad. (To Walter, jr.) C'mon. (They both leave the room)
CUT TO:
INT. - MADDIE AND DAVID'S BEDROOM - A FEW MINUTES LATER
Little David and Walter, jr. enter the room.
LITTLE DAVID
Mom? . . . Mom! . . . Mom! Aunt Terri's here!
Ashley walks out from the bathroom.
ASHLEY
Could you scream any louder? My ears haven't been shattered yet.
LITTLE DAVID
Where's Mom?
ASHLEY
Who knows? Maybe she's visiting someone we're not supposed to
know she's visiting.
LITTLE DAVID
What?
ASHLEY
I said I don't know where she is. Now will you leave me alone?
WALTER, JR.
Okay, you're acting weirder than usual. What's up?
ASHLEY
Who said anything's up?
WALTER, JR.
Other than your attitude.
LITTLE DAVID
(To Walter, jr.)
Then again, how can you tell?
WALTER, JR.
You're right.
ASHLEY
Are you two finished or do you need me to leave the room so you
can keep talking behind my back?
WALTER, JR.
We'll let you in the conversation if you tell us what's going
on.
ASHLEY
I should be asking you.
WALTER, JR.
Asking me? About what?
ASHLEY
About why a 13-year-old is still hangin' out with a 10 and an
8-year-old?
LITTLE DAVID
Actually, he's only hangin' with the 10-year-old.
ASHLEY
Good. Don't let me stop you.
Ashley prepares to leave, but Walter, jr. blocks her path.
WALTER, JR.
Don't you want to hear my response.
ASHLEY
No. I wanna be alone.
WALTER, JR.
Trust me, you'll get tired of it. You and David are lucky. I wish
I had someone to argue with.
LITTLE DAVID
Mom tells us and Dad about the only child thing. But Dad can never
understand why she complains about it.
ASHLEY
Neither can I.
WALTER, JR.
But you guys are always there for each other.
LITTLE DAVID
Well, you're almost right. She is always there.
ASHLEY
Well, let me prove you wrong. (She starts walking out).
WALTER, JR.
(Stops her again)
Wait. We still don't know why you're acting weird?
LITTLE DAVID
(To Ashley)
How come you're never this eager to leave when we really want
you to?
ASHLEY
I don't know you're the one who's not letting your dreams come
true.
WALTER, JR.
Will you tell us what's going on?
ASHLEY
You wanna know what's going on?
LITTLE DAVID
We would have left by now if we didn't.
The music to The Jackson Five's version of, "I Saw Mommy Kissing
Santa Claus," plays.
ASHLEY
(Sings) LITTLE DAVID AND WALTER, JR.
I saw mommy kissing saaaan... Kissin',
kissin', Santa claus
...ta Claus
ASHLEY
They were both in Dad's office last night
She didn't see me creep
To the door to have a peek
She thought I was playing
in the Game room or asleep
ASHLEY LITTLE
DAVID AND WALTER, JR.
Then I saw mommy touching Saaaan... Touchin, touchin',
Santa Claus
...ta Claus
ASHLEY
She did this while sitting on his lap
What a disaster had it been
If Daddy walked in and seen
Mommy kissing Santa Claus last night
LITTLE DAVID AND WALTER, JR.
(Looks at each other)
She saw mommy kissing
kissing, kissing Santa Claus
They talk during music break.
ASHLEY
I did. I did see mommy kissing Santa Claus. And I'm gonna tell
Daddy.
LITTLE DAVID
Wait, wait, wait. You can't do that.
ASHLEY
Why? He deserves to know.
LITTLE DAVID
Why don't we talk to Mom first?
ASHLEY
Are you crazy? She's not gonna tell us the truth.
LITTLE DAVID
But we have to do something.
ASHLEY
What you can do is shut up 'cause I'm not finished.
ASHLEY
(Sings) LITTLE DAVID AND WALTER, JR.
Then I saw mommy tackle Saaaan... Tackle, tackle,
Santa Claus
...ta Claus
ASHLEY
They kissed and kissed and fell on to the floor
What a disaster had it been
If Daddy walked in and seen
Mommy kissing Santa Claus last night.
What a disaster had it been
If Daddy walked in and seen
Mommy kissing Santa Claaaaus laaaaast niiiiiiight.
Music ends.
LITTLE DAVID
(To Walter, jr.)
So, what do you think we should about it?
DAVID
You should go and find your mother like I asked you.
LITTLE DAVID
I was. Really I was, wasn't I, Wally?
WALTER, JR.
Yeah, he really was.
DAVID
So, why aren't you now?
ASHLEY
They were just about to –
DAVID
(Turns to Ashley)
Honey, what's going on?
ASHLEY
I wanna be alone. Is that a crime?
DAVID
Not if you're finished committing one.
ASHLEY
Daddy, please.
DAVID
If there's something bothering you I wanna know what it is so
I can make it go away.
ASHLEY
It'll take two days and two nights to do just that.
DAVID
Ash –
ASHLEY
Daddy. I don't wanna talk about it. It's too painful, too awful.
I just can't say this in front of you.
DAVID
(Looks concerned)
Did somebody touch you?
ASHLEY
(Taken aback)
No!
DAVID
I swear. I'll find out who it is and when I do, I'll kill him
. . . or her.
LITTLE DAVID
Dad, it's nothing like that!
WALTER, JR.
David's right, Uncle David.
DAVID
Ho, ho, ho. She told you? (Walter, jr. and little David nod their
heads) So, why aren't you telling me?
LITTLE DAVID
It's no big deal, Dad.
ASHLEY
No big deal? If you think their marriage is not worth saving then
I'm leaving.
She walks a few steps, but David grabs her arm. She turns around.
DAVID
Who's marriage? Will someone tell me what's goin' on?
LITTLE DAVID
She was thinking Uncle Walter and Aunt Terri might be on the rocks.
WALTER, JR.
What? (little David gives him a look which states, "work with
me") Oh . . . yeah, she did. With all the traveling my Dad does
she thought it was putting a strain on the marriage.
DAVID
Your mom didn't say anything to me about it.
LITTLE DAVID
Because it's . . .
DAVID, LITTLE DAVID AND WALTER, JR.
No big deal.
DAVID
Okay, I got it. (To Ashley) You see . . . everything's okay. If
I knew anything was going wrong, believe me, I would have known.
Okay, c'mon let's all go to the mall to do some last minute holiday
shopping.
ASHLEY
Daddy, I really don't feel like going.
DAVID
But you always loved going Christmas shopping with me. Who's gonna
tell the person who's about to snatch the last item off the shelf,
"Hey get your hands off, that's my Daddy's?"
ASHLEY
I just don't feel like it.
LITTLE DAVID
Dad, let her stay. We'll fill her in on the blow-by-blow incidents
she could have started when we get back.
DAVID
Well, if that what you want, sweet pea.
ASHLEY
That's what I want.
DAVID
Okay . . . I wanted Santa to surprise you with his present this
time, anyway.
David, little David and Walter, jr. said goodbye to Ashley and
left the room.
ASHLEY
What he surprised me with was something I'd rather return.
CUT TO:
INT. - FOYER - CONTINUOUS
David, little David and Walter, jr. are walking down the staircase.
They see Maddie talking to Terri.
DAVID
Maddie, where were you? We were looking for you?
MADDIE
You obviously didn't do a good job.
TERRI
And now she's coming with me to my house.
DAVID
Uhh, could you wait until we come back? Ash, wants to stay.
MADDIE
For what? It's not like her to miss a preview of what Santa will
bring her.
WALTER, JR.
(To little David - whispers)
That's the problem. She already seen the preview and decided not
to see the movie.
LITTLE DAVID
(Confused)
What?
WALTER, JR.
That's how your Dad would have put it.
TERRI
We can take Ashley along with us, Maddie.
MADDIE
Yeah, I'm sure she won't mind. (Turns and walks up the staircase)
LITTLE DAVID
(To Walter, jr. - whispers)
I'm sure she will . . . which movie didn't she want to see?
DAVID
I guess this is our guy's day out. Let's go.
CUT TO:
INT. - INSIDE MERCEDES - MINUTES LATER
David drives as little David and Walter, jr. hang out in the backseat.
LITTLE DAVID
Hey, Dad.
DAVID
Yo.
LITTLE DAVID
Why are we going to the office? Isn't it supposed to be closed
until next year?
DAVID
I told Richie to meet us there.
LITTLE DAVID
He's not the only one coming is he?
DAVID
You catch on quick. Jeff is coming too. You know, Agnes is now
preoccupied with trying to figure out what to do with all the
extra space we gave her. I offered to bring Jeffrey along.
WALTER, JR.
How's Bert taking it?
DAVID
We'll know if the medicine cabinet is still full.
CUT TO:
INT. - AGNES' OFFICE - CONTINUOUS
The buzzer sound is heard.
AGNES
Bert, can you get that?
BERT
Sure. It's nice to know I'm still useful.
Bert crosses the outer office to the front door. He uses the intercom.
(Unenthusiastic) Who is it?
RICHIE
It's me. Richie. The older, wiser and much more handsomer brother
of your boss.
BERT
Which one?
Bert opens the door and lets Richie in. They walk to Agnes' office.
RICHIE
Speaking of the aforementioned, is he here?
BERT
No. But he'll be arriving in a few minutes.
RICHIE
And speaking of bosses, how does it feel now that Agnes has joined
the ranks? (Bert looks very uneasy about this) Hey, think of it
this way, you're not losing a wife, you're gaining a person who
has complete control over what you say and do.
BERT
(Sarcastic)
Terrific.
They are standing in front of Agnes' door.
AGNES
Hi Richie.
RICHIE
Hey, how's the new digs?
AGNES
I still can't believe this is real. I mean, all of this . . .
(Extends her arms out) is mine . . . all mine . . .
The music to "Sleigh Ride" starts playing.
AGNES
(Sings)
Oh, this is so exciting
I can't stop hiding my grin (Looks at Bert)
Come on, Bert what's the matter, hon?
Let your chatter begin
BERT
I had my heart set on
I even bet on the odds
That job was mine. I had it
But you just snatched it, my God!
AGNES
I did not, I did not, I did not set out
To ruin your clout
I hate to see you stand and pout
BERT
I don't care, I don't care, I don't care what you say
Don't try to portray
Like you didn't waste
Changing with haste
Your telephone for a nice briefcase
AGNES
Bert this is oh so silly
It makes me really confused
I never felt so strongly
How I'm so wrongly accused
BERT
I can hear clients sighing
when you start crying, boo hoo.
Agnes this job's much tougher
It's so much rougher for you.
It's unfair, It's unfair, It's unfair to you
Having to go through
Being mistreated and misused.
AGNES
Never thought, never thought, never thought you'd stoop
That low. Don't refute
That you perceive
Me so naive
Like I'm some kind of nincompoop
I think this is so appalling
For you to be mourning the loss
of pride. Why are you ashamed for
having me be named as your boss?
BERT
Who says that I'm ashamed for
having you be named as my boss?
AGNES
I'm saying, you are ashamed for
having me be named as your boss.
The music ends.
BERT
Well, if that's the way you feel about it. There's no reason for
me to stay, is there?
AGNES
Oh, yes there is.
BERT
So, let's hear it.
AGNES
You're staying because I'm leaving!
(Takes her bag off of her desk)
BERT
Wait a second. You can't walk out of here. What makes you think
you can simply walk out of here?
RICHIE
Hew new job description made her think so.
AGNES
(Walks to the door - To Richie)
I'm sorry you had to hear all of this.
RICHIE
No, no, it's fine. It was pretty entertaining.
Agnes walks quickly to the front door. When she opens it, David,
little David and Walter, jr are walking to her.
AGNES
(Still angry)
Thanks for reminding me . . . (Turns toward her office) Jeffrey!
Mr. Addison is here!
DAVID
Let me guess . . . Bert, ain't too happy.
AGNES
If you call underestimating me happy, then he's full of it.
DAVID
Want me to talk to him?
AGNES
Sure . . . As long as I don't. (She charges out of the office)
DAVID
You guys stay here.
LITTLE DAVID
All right, Dad.
David goes to Agnes' office.
WALTER, JR.
You gotta tell him.
LITTLE DAVID
I can't tell Dad about this. What am I going to say?
WALTER, JR.
Try, "Hey Dad, Ashley saw Mom kiss Santa Claus."
LITTLE DAVID
And then he'll reply, "Was it before or after he unloaded his
sack?"
WALTER, JR.
Did you understand what you just said?
LITTLE DAVID
(Bewildered)
What is there to understand?
WALTER, JR.
Just checking.
LITTLE DAVID
He'll think I'm looney.
WALTER, JR.
He'll think you're perceptive. . . . (little David gives a blank
stare) He'll think you're smart.
LITTLE DAVID
Why?
WALTER, JR.
He'll know now you know.
LITTLE DAVID
Know what?
WALTER, JR.
Know that you came to him first because you know he was the one
kissing your mother.
LITTLE DAVID
You mean he's . . .
WALTER, JR. LITTLE
DAVID
Santa Claus. Santa
Claus.
LITTLE DAVID
Now you're getting it.
LITTLE DAVID
You still think I should tell him, huh?
WALTER, JR.
Uh huh.
LITTLE DAVID
So . . . where do you think he hid the reindeer? (Walter, Jr looks
at him) My last name ain't Addison for nothing.
David and Jeffrey are walking to little David and Walter, jr.
DAVID
Are we all set?
LITTLE DAVID
Let's hit the road.
JEFFREY
Yeah . . . let's hit the road.
LITTLE DAVID
(To Walter, jr. - through his teeth)
It's staaarting.
They all go out the door. David comes back.
DAVID
(To Walter, jr.)
. . . Thanks for reminding me . . . (Goes back to the door and
cups his hand to his mouth) Richie! We're leaving!
RICHIE (Off Screen)
Right behind ya, bro.
CUT TO:
INT. - SHOPPING MALL - AFTERNOON
David, Richie, Little David, Walter, jr., and Jeffrey are walking
through the sea of last minute Christmas shoppers.
DAVID
(Looks at his shopping list)
Let's see, I picked up something for Terri . . . Walter . . .
I got an extra something for Bert . . . He can use an extra pick
me up.
LITTLE DAVID
What about me?
DAVID
You can use an extra napkin. You got ketchup all over your chin.
RICHIE
Okay, we are here and we're in luck. Only the check out lines
are not filled.
DAVID
If it's alright with you I'm gonna sit this one out. These bags
need a chance to breath. (He holds up five shopping bags)
RICHIE
We won't be long.
Richie, Walter, jr., Jeffrey and little David begin walking into
the store. David is walking toward the bench.
WALTER, JR.
What are you waiting for?
LITTLE DAVID
Huh?
WALTER, JR.
Go to him.
LITTLE DAVID
But I can't –
WALTER, JR.
But you can.
JEFFREY
But you can.
LITTLE DAVID
Thanks, Jeff. I heard him the first time.
JEFFREY
(To Walter, jr.)
Yeah, he heard you the first time.
LITTLE DAVID
Why does he do this? Ever since the office party yesterday, he
keeps doing this.
WALTER, JR.
What do you expect? He's five.
LITTLE DAVID
Did you constantly mimic people when you were five? I never mimicked
people when I was five.
WALTER, JR.
We're not Jeff.
LITTLE DAVID
Really? How can tell? Oh, I know. We don't act like an echo.
WALTER, JR.
And we're not David. How can we tell? We don't have to tell his
father his mother kissed Santa.
LITTLE DAVID
Okay, I'll do it.
JEFFREY
Okay, he'll do it.
LITTLE DAVID
Thanks for your input. (Walks to his father)
JEFFREY
Your welcome.
Little David turns around. He couldn't help but give a smile to
Jeffrey's cute face.
DAVID
Why aren't you shopping? It's not like you not to be in the Christmas
spirit.
LITTLE DAVID
Dad, there's something I gotta tell you.
DAVID
This doesn't have anything to do with your sister, would it?
LITTLE DAVID
I don't know how to say this without sounding silly but . . .
The music to "Let It Snow" begins.
LITTLE DAVID
(Sings)
What I'm gonna tell you is frightful
I know you have your hands full
I have to say this or I'll explode
Ashley knows, Ashley knows, Ashley knows
She saw you as Santa kissing
Her mother and she's asking
"Why did mom kiss a man that old?"
Ashley knows, Ashley knows, Ashley knows
Should I tell it was you that night?
DAVID
We can't tell her that Santa's not real
I'll have a little talk which might
Avoid telling Santa I squealed.
LITTLE DAVID
Do you think she still likes Christmas?
She's so confused about this
Could you go to Mom and disclose
That Ashley knows, Ashley knows, Ashley knooooows.
The music ends.
DAVID
Very nice.
LITTLE DAVID
You think so?
DAVID
Yeah. Those long practices Ash made you do are paying off.
LITTLE DAVID
By the way, the play is tomorrow.
DAVID
I know. I didn't buy an extra camcorder just because I like the
brand . . . Wally told you, didn't he?
LITTLE DAVID
Tell me what?
DAVID
He didn't happen to mention Santa not being real and I was the
one who kissed you mom last night?
LITTLE DAVID
(Blank expression)
Santa's not real?
DAVID
(Fake surprised expression)
Did I say it out loud?
LITTLE DAVID
I bet that's what Mom believes and that's how I might have figured
out you were Santa . . . (David still looks at him) . . . and
Wally told me it was you.
DAVID
More importantly, does Ash know?
LITTLE DAVID
No.
DAVID
Good. I have at least two more years of lies to protect her belief
in Old Saint Nick.
LITTLE DAVID
How do you do it?
DAVID
Believe me. Getting into that Santa suit ain't no picnic.
LITTLE DAVID
No. I mean you dealing with Mom. I can never understand it. How
can she celebrate a holiday which celebrates the birth of someone
she doesn't believe exists?
DAVID
I've learned a long time ago not to get caught up in this stuff.
LITTLE DAVID
But you believe in God don't you?
DAVID
Of course.
LITTLE DAVID
So, why doesn't she?
DAVID
I have an idea. Why don't you ask her? Maybe you'll get more out
of her than I did.
Richie, Walter, jr., and Jeffrey walk up to David and his and
son.
RICHIE
Ready to roll?
DAVID
Why not? I'm still waiting for my first argument of the day, anyway.
CUT TO:
INT. - TERRI'S STUDIO - CONTINUOUS
The music of, "The Nutcracker" plays and Terri plays the Cello
with it. Maddie and Ashley sit on the side. While Maddie takes
the music in, Ashley sits restless. When Terri ends this part
of her session, Maddie claps for her friend. Ashley puts in a
halfhearted effort. This effort isn't lost on Maddie.
MADDIE
What's wrong, honey? I understand this isn't your kind of music,
but usually can grin and bear Aunt Terri's rehearsals better than
this.
ASHLEY
(Melancholy)
Nothing. There's nothing wrong.
MADDIE
Are you sure?
ASHLEY
(Annoyed)
Mom.
MADDIE
Okay, is it a crime to wonder what's wrong with my baby girl?
ASHLEY
No . . . not after committing one.
MADDIE
What? . . . You've been talking with your dad today, haven't you?
ASHLEY
Yeah . . . Is there a reason why I shouldn't?
MADDIE
(Slightly taken aback)
No. Why would there be?
The door bell rings.
ASHLEY
(Pops up from her seat)
I'll get it. (Sprints to the door)
TERRI
(Walks to Maddie)
You put me in a bind.
MADDIE
Me? What did I do now?
TERRI
If you didn't let me go through with that stupid bet, I wouldn't
have to switch from holding a bow to holding a bowl . . . and
a spoon, a fork and any other utensil suitable in order for me
to create a culinary masterpiece.
MADDIE
I tried to warn you. I wish Ashley warned me about her mood.
Ashley walks in the room.
MADDIE
Who was at the door, honey?
AGNES
It's me, Miss Hayes.
MADDIE
Hey, Agnes. How does it feel to be the boss for a day?
AGNES
Lousy. I'm having a communication breakdown.
TERRI
Did this breakdown have anything to do with a certain employee
that shares your bed?
AGNES
This certain employee and I aren't sharing much of anything these
days. Which brings me to why I'm here.
She leaves the room. Everyone looks at each other in confusion.
Agnes comes back with a small suitcase.
AGNES
Is it possible for me to stay here for the night?
FADE OUT
END OF ACT THREE
-4 MIN. COMMERCIAL BREAK -
ACT FOUR
FADE IN:
INT. - TERRI’S STUDIO - CONTINUOUS
MADDIE
But why?
AGNES
But why?
TERRI
Yeah, but why?
AGNES
But why not?
MADDIE
But what happened?
ASHLEY
I can see this is a talk for grown-ups. I’ll go to my usual place
. . . in front of the TV.
MADDIE
It won’t take long, I promise.
ASHLEY
Sure. (She walks out)
TERRI
What’s with her?
MADDIE
I can’t figure it out. She’s been like this all day.
AGNES
Not only has Bert been like this all day, he’s been like this
all last night and the day before . . . well, it was only after
I got the promotion the day before he started acting like Ashley
the day before Ashley started acting like this all day today.
MADDIE
(To Terri)
Did you get all that?
TERRI
I hope so.
AGNES
I can’t stand it when he does this.
MADDIE
But why do you need to do this, Agnes?
The music from “Santa Is Coming to Town” starts.
AGNES
(Sings)
He thinks that I’m not
Cut out for this job
He claims he’s the one
who has been robbed
I couldn’t take it. I left, Miss Hayes.
He makes it seem like
We’re all against him
He talks down to me
Which makes me feel dim.
MADDIE
Don’t let Bert think he’ll get his way.
AGNES
Oh, no. I don’t intend to
He won’t make me resign
He’ll have to deal with it, Miss Hayes
Bert will not get me this time.
I’m sick of him give
His stupid lectures
a night without me
Is what he deserves
Terri is it okay to stay?
The music ends.
TERRI
Of course you can. Let me put your suitcase in the guest room.
Terri takes Agnes suitcase and leaves the room.
AGNES
Thanks, Terri.
MADDIE
Are you sure you’re doing the right thing?
AGNES
I’m doing the right thing because Bert’s not doing the right thing
. . . How can I be wrong?
CUT TO:
INT. - SHOPPING MALL (NORSTROMS) - CONTINUOUS
Richie holds up a light cashmere sweater.
DAVID
‘Cuz it’s not Maddie’s size. Besides, I’m not getting her clothes
this year.
RICHIE
So, what are you getting her? We’ve been in five stores.
DAVID
When you find someone to shop for, you’ll understand.
LITTLE DAVID
Dad, how long do we have to stay here?
DAVID
Until I find your mother a present.
LITTLE DAVID
Great. We’ll be here all day.
JEFFREY
We’ll be here all day.
LITTLE DAVID
(Puts his hands on his head in exasperation)
I gotta get out of here.
RICHIE
I gotta get out of here.
DAVID
If you will shut up, help me find the perfect gift for my one
and only, we can all get out of here.
RICHIE
Who’s that?
DAVID
Who’s what?
RICHIE
Your one and only? (David glares at him) Just kiddin’. You knew
I was kiddin’. They knew I was kiddin’. (To kids) You knew I was
kiddin’, right?
LITTLE DAVID, WALTER, JR. AND JEFFREY
(Unenthusiastic)
We knew you were kiddin’.
David looks at the three bored children.
DAVID
Go on. Get out of here. I want us all to meet at the food court
in two hours.
LITTLE DAVID
Two hours?
DAVID
Okay, I’ll make it one hour.
LITTLE DAVID
No. Two’s good.
DAVID
Good. Now go.
LITTLE DAVID
Thanks Dad.
WALTER, JR.
Thanks Uncle David.
JEFFREY
Thanks Uncle David.
WALTER, JR.
(To little David)
Was he mimicking me?
LITTLE DAVID
I’m not sure.
The boys leave the store. A second later, David’s cell phone rings.
DAVID
Could you get that out of my pocket?
Richie reaches into David’s pocket and gets the cell phone.
RICHIE
You have reached David Addison’s cell. If you want to speak to
him, press one. If you really want to speak to him, press two.
If you really, really, want me to shut up and give him the phone,
you’ll have to wait for the next operator . . . I think you’ve
waited long enough. (Gives David the phone)
DAVID
Who is it?
RICHIE
Your one and only.
DAVID
Hey, honey. You girls stopped talking about me, yet?
MADDIE (Off Screen)
Funny, your name never came up.
DAVID
That is funny. What’s up?
MADDIE (Off Screen)
We have a problem . . . no make that two problems.
DAVID
If you’re including my problem I’m about to tell you, then you’re
right.
MADDIE (Off Screen)
I hope you can talk to Bert.
DAVID
Problem number one, I presume.
CUT TO:
INT. - TERRI’S KITCHEN - CONTINUOUS
Maddie is cutting some lettuce.
MADDIE
He’s having problems with Agnes’ promotion.
DAVID (Off Screen)
I saw.
MADDIE
Did you see Agnes taking her suitcase and ask Terri to sleep at
her house tonight?
DAVID (Off Screen)
Nope . . . can’t say that I did . . .
CUT TO:
INT. - NORSTROMS - CONTINUOUS
David is in the Shoe department. Richie is holding up an item
and David is waving him off.
DAVID
Can’t see it either . . . In fact . . . (Looks at his cell then
puts it back on his ear) . . . I still can’t. (He waves Richie
off after he shows David another item)
MADDIE (Off Screen)
Neither can I. It’s not like Agnes to react like this. It must
be spreading around.
DAVID
Problem number two, I presume.
MADDIE (Off Screen)
Our daughter.
DAVID
That was my problem number one.
CUT TO:
INT. - TERRI’S KITCHEN - CONTINUOUS
MADDIE
She’s so out of it. She usually loves Christmas. Can’t get enough
of it. Why is she your problem? Do you know why she’s acting this
way?
DAVID (Off Screen)
I would have said no, but our son filled me in to make me say
otherwise.
MADDIE
So, what’s bothering her?
DAVID (Off Screen)
You.
MADDIE
Me?
DAVID (Off Screen)
You. She thinks you’re cheating on me . . .
INT. - NORSTROMS - CONTINUOUS
MADDIE (Off Screen)
You?
DAVID
Me.
MADDIE (Off Screen)
Me cheating on you? Where would she get that idea from?
DAVID
Maybe this will give you a clue,
T'was three days before Christmas
This is hard for me to say
But Ash saw her mother
and Santa getting laid.
MADDIE
Oh my God.
DAVID
In this case, Santa.
MADDIE (Off Screen)
Who was really my husband . . .
CUT TO:
INT. - TERRI’S KITCHEN - CONTINUOUS
MADDIE
David, what are we going to do? We can’t tell her I cheated on
you.
DAVID (Off Screen)
We also can’t tell her Santa doesn’t exists. By the way, Davey
wants to speak to you.
MADDIE
About Santa not existing?
DAVID (Off Screen)
In this case, God.
CUT TO:
INT. - NORSTROMS - CONTINUOUS